Nocturnalness

At dinner the other night PootiePie said that BeeMan doesn't want to share a room with her anymore. I asked BeeMan why he wanted to change and he said because of PootiePie's gerbil. He nibbles on everything and rumbles around all night. He has eaten his houses and bowls and anything he can pull into the cage, like BeeMan's underwear. He's a biter and he is not greatly loved. And while not doing anything to promote it, Pootie is patiently awaiting his demise so she can get a guinea pig instead. In the meantime she diligently feeds him and gives him water and buys him new houses and plays with him as much as she can stand to be bitten.

Although she doesn't like him either, Pootie took offense to the extreme of Beeman's disdain. More likely she was offended just by the fact that he wanted to move out away from her more than his reason behind it. If anyone should want to move out it should be her because she really does have the short end of the stick. He hardly ever helps her clean up in there and he snores like a Harley (but he doesn't believe us when we tell him). She said, "It's not like you can't sleep. I go to bed a half hour after you do and you're always asleep. I'M the one who has to put up with the gerbil AND you snoring!!

To which Bee replied, "The gerbil snores?"

An Idea Man

BeeMan has the BEST ideas. He always knows what presents he wants for Christmas and his birthday. He knows what he wants to buy other people. He knows what kind of party he wants and where and who he wants to invite.

He just never tells us any of this.

His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and we haven't made any plans yet. There are just too many people and too many things to do around here. Well. WE haven't. HE has. In the car after school recently he said he was inviting Calvin to his Chuck E Cheese party.

"Really?" I said. I hadn't heard him utter the words Chuck and Cheese in the same sentence in at least a year. "Did you talk to Dad about a Chuck E Cheese party?"

"No" he said in a slightly annoyed and confused voice. Why talk to Dad about it? It was HIS party. He didn't need DAD'S input.

"We're going to Chuck E Cheeses then coming back to our house to eat Transformer cake."

"Transformer cake?"

"Yeah. They have Transformer cakes at Wal-Mart."

OK. I hope he's right because I can't make a Transformer cake. No matter where we ended up having it or what kind of cake we had, I figured I better find out who else he wanted to invite. It is his first year at school and thus has a plethora of kids to choose from so I asked who else he was inviting.

"Just the rest of my team." I thought he meant the rest of his class. That was a little scary. I really don't want to be in charge of 20 kindergarteners anywhere especially at a place where they encourage a kid to be a kid.

"No. The rest of my TEAM. My racing team." I was beginning to remember him talking about that before. They have races at recess. I asked if his team has a name.

He nodded. "The Red Jumping Jacks."

Ah, yes. The Red Jumping Jacks.

"What about any girls? Are you inviting any girls."

"No."

"Not even Zoe?" She's a new girl that moved to our street and he really likes her. And I really like her mom. She may be my last shot at an actual friend.

"OK. Zoe."

"Well. Not JUST Zoe" I said. "She won't like being the only girl."

"OK. Zoe and Rachel."

Oh oh. "But what about Valerie? You can't invite Rachel and not Valerie." They are twins in his class.

"OK. Valerie too."

Just to give him more options I said, "What about Marybeth?"

"OK."

"And Haley?"

"No."

"Why not? You can't invite Marybeth and not Haley! They're best friends!" And Haley lives right next door. I've already missed or ruined my chance at friendship with HER mom, but it would be a huge breech of etiquette anyway.

It was at this point he flopped back in the seat and gave a huge sigh. Why was I tormenting him like this? He HAD it all planned out. I was ruining it all. I relented and said, "OK. We'll talk about it later."

A couple blocks later I heard him mutter to Snickety, "Well. At least I'm bringing Spiderman cupcakes for the class snack that day."

Its A Grey Matter

Snick is an unusual child to say the least. They way he thinks and things he says are simultaneously hilarious and frustrating (see this previous post).

Some time ago he gave up giving me daily good news and turned to what I call "Snickety's Grey Matter in Overdrive". Not EVERY day, but very frequently he'll walk up to me and ask a random question.

"Mom. What are your three favorite foods?"

"Mom. If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?"

"Mom. If you had three wishes, what would they be?"

"If you had one wish what would it be, but it has to be something real." To that one I responded, "Oh. So nothing like world peace?" He said, "No, you could wish for world peace. Just not to be able to fly." I think I have a better shot at flying than world peace.

It's like his synapses are firing too quickly and he just has to spurt out these questions. He doesn't care about the answers. Sometimes he doesn't even wait around to hear them.

I'll start blogging his questions from now on to give you all a chance to experience the essence of Snickety. Today's question was pretty good.

"Mom. If you had to write a song about one fact, what would it be?"

I said I'd write a song about how the word for apple in French is "pomme" and the word for potato is "pomme de terre" which literally is "apple of the earth" or "ground apple".

What would your song be about?

Happy VD

The sweetness of my little Bugaboo is being squandered.

Although I have always felt she was just a little too special for us and we didn't quite deserve to have such a perfect child, I know without a shadow of a doubt that the shining magnificence that is her is utterly wasted on the boy she has.

Until they are about 10, little boys are sweet and thoughtful and loving and considerate and will give their Mommies a Valentine with unabashed enthusiasm. But as the testosterone level rises, the thoughtfulness diminishes. (Usually. There ARE exceptions that prove the rule, such as my SSB!) The women in their lives - moms, sisters, grammas, girlfriends and wives - get fewer and fewer tokens as the years pass. Women are fully aware of this phenomenon but we somehow keep holding on to a thread of hope anyway. Eventually after enough slamming of doors, stomping of feet and glaring of eyes the boy will learn what to do on special occasions, but what he really is learning is that he HATES special occasions. Especially Valentine's Day.

Last night Bugaboo went straight to work right after school then to Wal-Mart to get her boy a Valentine present. She came home just before 9:00 and stayed up late making a homemade card for him. Here it is:

Isn't that cute?

And she bought him a little purple hedgehog holding a heart that says "Kiss Me". It was the most masculine thing she could find. She put it in a bag that she decorated. She really is a very talented artist. Wouldn't you love to get this for Valentines Day?

So every morning they write notes to each other and before school she puts his in his bag while he's swimming and gets hers out. This morning, Valentine's morning, he asked if it was OK if he didn't give her a note because his mom woke him up 10 minutes late and he was rushed. I told her he's probably just playing with her, making her expect nothing when he really has a great Valentine for her. I knew in my heart of hearts that was probably not the case, but I clung tightly to that thread.

Alas, testosterone won out over the ever-present female hope and there was nothing there for her. Oh foolish, foolish boy. Even if he somehow thought he could survive the fury of a woman scorned, that is nothing compared to the fury of the mother of the scorned. The story actually does get worse, but you all are already thinking he doesn't deserve her (and rightly so) and I don't want to be TOO hard on him in public. Not during Lent anyway. But he better lay low for a while and stay away from me. It could be ugly otherwise. Grrr!

Sofine

(You don't really have to watch this video. I just wanted the music on here to go with the lyrics and I can't attach an audio file. This live version isn't exactly like the album version. I like the album version.)

Bron Y Aur Stomp
Ah caught you smiling at me,
That's the way it should be,
Like a leaf is to a tree, so fine.
Ah all the good times we had,
I sang love songs so glad
Always smiling, never sad, so fine.

As we walk down the country lanes,
I'll be singing a song,
Hear me calling your name.
Hear the wind within the trees,
Telling Mother Nature 'bout you and me.

Well if the sunshines so bright,
Or on our way it's darkest night
The road we choose is always right, so fine.
Ah can any love be so strong
When so many loves go wrong
Will our love go on and on and on and on and on and on?

As we walk down the country lanes,
I'll be singing a song,
Hear me calling your name.
Hear the wind within the trees,
Telling Mother Nature 'bout you and me.

My, my la de la come on now it ain't too far,
Tell your friends all around the world,
Ain't no companion like a blue eyed merle.
Come on now well let me tell you,
What you're missing messing, 'round them brick walls.

So of one thing I am sure,
It's a friendship so pure,
Angels singing all around
My door so fine.

Yeah, ain't but one thing to do
Spend my nat'ral life with you,
You're the finest dog I knew, Sofine.
When you're old and your eyes are dim,
There ain't no old Shep gonna happen again,
We'll still go walking down country lanes,
I'll sing the same old songs,
Hear me call your name.

Local Celebrity

The results of the District Swimming and Diving championships were published in the local paper on Monday and the accompanying picture was none other than our very own Bugaboo! She's famous! I guess since her times weren't fast enough to print, they just had to include her picture because everyone in town loves her so much! :)

She thinks its an ugly picture, but she was pretty happy about it.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

Last night, as on most Saturday nights, I forewarned everyone that we were going to shoot for the 10:00 church service. TEN o'clock. We get up and get ready for school HOURS before that during the week so why do we have such trouble on Sunday? Part of it is because we try to get all of our chores done first too and of course we sleep later, but still. Ten. O'clock.

At 8:20 I told everyone we have an hour and a half so step it up. They did. Everyone tried. Everyone did a pretty good job. Not perfect but pretty good. At 9:35 I was the one that wasn't dressed, had wet hair and no make up on. This was partly because every time I'd get more than 15 feet away from Bunny she'd scream "Mommy!" This is not an unusual occurrence. This is typical. However, I mysteriously have not incorporated it into my consciousness and don't allow the extra time necessary for it. I don't know why. I should have by now.

Bugaboo wasn't feeling well and I told her she didn't have to go. It was my fault she was under the weather anyway. We'll leave it at that. Call me if you want details, but really, you don't.

I came out of the bedroom to check on things in general and found Taz with a pullover hoodie on over his button-up church shirt. I told him he should wear a different jacket. I'll spare you the blow by blow of the argument that ensued but in the end he wore his winter coat, zipped up to his chin and the velcro all done up even though it was 65 degrees outside.

BeeMan had on his red Spiderman t-shirt. I told him he couldn't wear that to church so he went to change.

At 10:00 we were still running around trying to get snacks for Bunny and a cup and find her shoes and get ourselves ready too. They give the kids Cheerios in the daycare room and since she can't have them we provide alternate snacks. But even when we do, she sometimes steals stuff from another kid or picks something up from the floor and eats it and has a reaction. But we finally made it out the door a little after 10. The church isn't far away, so we walked in at about a quarter after.

But before we walked in, in the parking lot I was walking behind PootiePie. She messed with her hair as she walked and since she has the skinniest @$$ ever, no hips and legs longer than a race horse, her pants don't ever fit and were falling down. I had already had enough of the trials and tribulations that come with raising 6 kids and getting them ready, and right in the church parking lot I yelled, "Pootie! I can see your crack!!"

Six steps later I noticed Snickety. He usually gets in trouble for wearing a t-shirt to church and in the car I had noticed that he had on a nice, striped polo shirt. What a good boy. What I couldn't see and didn't think to check was his pants. Now at the door of the church I see he has on high-water jeans with a huge hole in the knee and paint splatters all over them. OMG. I said, "I quit. We're never coming here again."

And BeeMan. I look at him. He had changed into his blue Spiderman t-shirt.

Exasperated sigh.

As we walked in, there were no greeters. All the greeters had gone in. Only one lone man stood at the kiosk to sign our tardy kids in to Sunday school. And just my luck it was the director of the children's programs who always remembers us a knows our names. It couldn't be some volunteer. It had to be the boss.

I took Bunny to the nursery an lo an behold, no Kitty Binky. No binky at all. The one thing she can't seem to live without and we left it at home. I said "We're going home. This is a bust." But we didn't. We stayed No one was struck down. No one was smited. But next week I'm making them lay out their clothes and get prior approval the night before. I don't want the church coming to us with donations as part of their outreach program.

Doryboo Grumpy Gils

Remember this song Dory sings in "Finding Nemo"? (I KNOW my sister and her daughter do!)


Bugaboo had Swim and Dive Districts last night. There were about 8 schools there and only the top 6 swimmers from each event get to go on to Regionals. She did not make it, but we are very proud of her anyway. She was first in her heat for the 200 and 2nd in her heat for the 500.

She is not too disappointed. She didn't really expect to go on. She WAS upset during her 500 though because her lap counters forgot about her so no one was down at the end showing her what lap she was on until about the 5th. It was actually OK because she was neck and neck with the girl next to her and it was early on, but she didn't know if they were going to remember her or not. She had to just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

She kept her chin up throughout the race and was nice to the girl who won, but as soon as she got out of the water she started to melt. Her BF swims for a rival school, which happened to be at this meet too, and he tried to congratulate and talk to her, but even HE got the big blow off. Wow! She MUST have been upset!