Center of the Universe

2011-09-03T21:35:00.000-05:00

Brats 'N Brötchen

2009-09-16T00:45:00.001-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

I saw a bunch of these being bought, but always missed the actual eating part which I think would have been a sight to see.

Black Foskew

2009-09-09T00:13:00.001-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

At Ettal Abbey, a Benedictine monastery in Bavaria

Yippee-Ki-Yay, Teetertotter!

2009-09-02T01:53:00.000-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Bugaboo living it up at the bottom of the Zugspitze.

Olé!

2009-08-26T00:58:00.000-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Bugaboo's stuffed mountain goat will CUT those Austrian pigeons!

City in the Clouds

2009-08-19T00:48:00.000-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday
It was cloudy and rainy the whole time we were in Germany and Austria and it was cool when we could just see the top of a mountain.

Convenience

2009-08-12T00:29:00.001-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Candle vending machine at a church graveyard in Innsbruck Austria

Must Be Something In The Water

2009-08-05T01:12:00.001-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

German tap water.

I Walk These Streets Alone

2009-07-30T11:03:00.003-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday (but on Thursday this time)

Everything shut down in Germany by 7 p.m. It was kinda spooky.

A Roll in the Hay

2009-06-10T01:38:00.002-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

BeeMan falling off the rope ladder trick at the renaissance fair.

Don't Play with Fire....

2009-06-03T00:01:00.001-05:00

if you can't stand the smoke.

Asleep at the Wheel

2009-05-27T15:36:00.001-05:00

Almost Wordless Wednesday

This would happen to me too if I let myself put my head down at the dinner table.

I'm Hissterical

2009-05-23T11:22:00.001-05:00

This past Thursday, May 21st, marked the one year anniversary of Pootie getting bit by a snake. In honor of her not dying, we had a special dinner to commemorate the occasion. The menu included:

Cro-Fab-ulous Cheeseburger Sandwiches
Carrot Fingers
Snakey Sewer Water (grape pop)

And for dessert we had Snake Eggs (Chewy Nerds) and Baby Cottonmouths (gummy worms).

I crack myself up.

Certain Restrictions May Apply

2009-05-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

Glaringly absent from the Mothers Day festivities a couple weekends ago was Snick. He was too tired and didn't want to come downstairs just for ME on MOTHERS DAY which pissed Pootie off to no end (and is a prime example of why his name is Snickety).

But when everything died down and everyone was lounging around on my bed (you know, helping me relax) he came down with an obviously-just-made coupon book.

I LOVE homemade gifts the best. I honestly do. But these coupons have me convinced Snick has a very successful future as the guy who comes up with the small print at the bottom of credit card offers.

He is the kid (*cough* 4th grader!) that we were told needed tutoring in writing, as in drawing letters not composing stories. It was pretty illegible, but he read them to me. Here are the highlights.

One coupon was for "One free borrow. Anything of mine you want to borrow, but only ONE thing for. . . . . . . ONE WEEK OR LESS!!!!" He wrote and said that last part like that was one spectacular deal I was getting. I've been racking my brain but I can't come up with anything a 9 year old boy owns that I'm just dying to get my hands on. But I'll hang on to it for a few years and see what he gets for Christmas from Grandma.

Another one was a freebie coupon for anything. The "Your Choice" coupon. Disclaimer: "But not too hard." Clearly he's on to me and knows that if I were given My Choice of Anything in the Whole Entire World it would be for him to do a chore.

Even though I didn't get it or anything close to it that morning, I did receive a coupon for 1 free breakfast in bed.

It looks like the stipulation for this one is that it will only be honored if I become pregnant again. Or am on my death bed. Which is a certainty if I became pregnant again.

The last one is a coupon for "one free car wash". But that isn't as endearing it seems either. The strings attached to that one are that "it has to be on a warm day and only on the outside because the inside is too disgusting." You know because those ar MY candy wrappers, empty pop cans, toys and dirty socks back there. And cleaning it up for me would just be sending the wrong message.

:) Thanks, Snick. You made my day.

**My own disclaimer: It really was great day and I love everything they did for me (such as provide blog fodder) and gave to me (except the migraine).

Flipper

2009-05-20T14:43:00.005-05:00

ed note: I thought maybe if I start doing Almost Wordless Wednesday posts I'll at least be blogging once a week which is more than I've done in a while. So here's my first installment. (These words don't count though. That starts right . . . . now!)

Yes, he did this on purpose. Yes he landed on his feet. No, not in the flower bed.

Gimme A Break, Gimme A Break

2009-04-24T11:14:00.005-05:00

Once upon a time before I had the glamorous life of SAHM, I actually showered everyday and got dressed before noon because I had two jobs (but only two kids). One (job, not kid) was full-time at a hospital and the other was part-time doing billing for a shop that put together and delivered gift baskets. I was usually all alone at night upstairs at the gift shop, just the way I like it, but it was very busy during the holidays so in December I had company.

On one such occasion all the basket-making elves were busy, busy, busy behind me when the owner's teenage daughter went downstairs on a snack run and asked if I wanted anything. Since I actually had a metabolism back then, she got me a Pepsi and a Kit Kat. This was when the standard bar came with FOUR Kit Kat fingers, not three like they do now. (BTW - is it super gross that they call them fingers or is it just me for reasons that will become clear by the end of this post?)

I was busy, busy, busy too and had the candy bar on my lap while I typed. I had eaten three of the (gulp) fingers and taken a bite of the fourth when I happened to look down. What I saw was (similar to) this:

Several of them all in the wrapper and coming out of the last half of the last finger of Kit Kat. (Note: Until today whenever I told this story I said they were maggots, but now after some research I think they're Indian Meal Moth worms. That's better, right?)

For those of you who don't know me, I am a very picky eater. My kids have NOTHING on me when it comes to food pickiness. And remember Fear Factor? I gagged at every eating-nasty-$#!t challenge they ever had. Literally, violently gagged to the point where I would gross out the kids and they'd start to gag too and we'd have tears running down our faces, both from retching and laughing at each other.

But I'm not a panicky person and managed to keep my poop in a group and not flip out. Mostly I didn't want anyone to notice me and start gathering around. So I took a few deep breaths and calmed down and told myself that people in Africa (and other places I don't want to go) eat worms and grubs all the time, if not worse things.

It worked. I crumpled up the wrapper with the maggot motel inside and chugged some Pepsi.

I set back to work without anyone noticing that I was a disgusting worm eater who should be squatting in the dirt in third-world country.

Until....

I looked down again and saw a straggler writhing around on my skirt, spastically flipping its tail back and forth like a jedi swinging his lightsaber.

That's when I ran and, luckily, made it to the bathroom before I barfed those mofos up. So much for keeping the worm-eater thing under wraps.

Monk It

2009-03-13T15:38:00.006-05:00

I have too much blog material. Can you believe that? Usually I have nothing to write about. But now I have too much. Too much, as in there is so much crap going on in our lives and I can't even find time to blog. I could probably find a few minutes to type, but I don't have time or energy to put it together in my head. Its a blessing. And a curse. But mostly just a curse because there is just too much to deal with besides all the daily grind stuff like dentist appointments, school volunteering, basketball practices and games, track practice, swim practice and meets and . . . well. You get it. Regular stuff.

Maybe I should switch to Twittering instead. Then I could send out Tweets with just the facts of my life. Here's how it would have progressed over the last couple months:

Woo hoo! Heading to Cayman in a few days. Can't wait!

Scratch Cayman. Taz got arrested 4 bringing a knife to bus stop. Yes, bus stop not school. No, he didn't do anything but bury it. And yes, ARRESTED.

Tweet from juvie. Taz is spending the night.

How do lawyers sleep at night?? Four thousand dollars but that only covers UP TO IF he goes to trial. Effing shyster.

Got Taz out by the skin of his teeth.

Cayman back on. We have GOT to get out of here for a while.

SSB has had a fever since we landed. Way to ruin it, Honey!

Hey look! A barracuda just ate my toenail as it floated by him.

SSB's fever has finally broke last night. According to the mattress, so did about 50 water balloons.

Just spent $80 in cell phone charges because of a Bugaboo meltdown.

We're back! We sobered up long enough to get on the plane & come home. Should have stayed drunk. I mean should have stayed in Cayman. No. I mean both.

Taz is under house arrest. Isn't that more of a punishment for us??

Pootie Pie's guinea pig screams and jumps around all day banging against his cage. WTF?

Taz has officially been expelled from school and has to go to alternative school, which we have to drive him to and from. More punishment for US.

Got a note that Snick needs tutoring in writing. Not just writing as in composing stories, but as in PRINTING WORDS. He's in 4th grade.

Bunny has a cavity between her front teeth and has to go under general anesthesia to get it fixed. SSB is a mess.

Bman had field trip to see the play Stellaluna. He liked the book but hated the play. He hates it when real people act stuff out.

Tweeting from jewelry party. I don't wear jewelry but they have the free drinks.

Haven't heard from lawyer, DA or probation officer. Why is Taz being punished without even being charged???

Went hiking with the kids and didn't lose any of them. For long. Got a text from Dupree from softball tourny that said he broke his face. Whats that all about?

Dupree broke his face. He won't go to the ER because he doesn't have insurance. Or money.

Its official! He broke his face. In like 10 places. Going to a maxillofacial surgeon tomorrow. Got Mom's cc number.

Pootie's guinea pig's hair is falling out. I wonder if he has mites.

Dupree needs surgery or his eye will fall down into his sunken cheek. Anyone remember The Goonies? Sloth love Chunk!!

Suspicious Facebook entries on Bugaboo's page. Are she and the Cradle Robber doing it?

Got rates for self-pay patients. Surgery will be about $6500 total. If it happened to me I think they'd charge my insurance close to 100k.

Mom, Dad, sister and niece are here for the surgery. And now so is Old Grandad.

Got to hosp and they said they wanted $12,000 up front, not the $2625 they quoted me. What is wrong with people?

Dupree told them to shove it & went to apologize to the surgeon. In the midst of the drama, the hosp agreed to take a check for 10% and he went to the OR.

It took 6 plates and 25 screws to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Taz had his DA-ordered psych eval. Passed with flying colors. Did he just lie through his teeth? Do I care?

SSB flipped OUT when he checked Bunny's mouth. "OMIGOD! OMIGOD! Her tooth!" Laughed my @$$ off when he fished out a white Nerd.

In 1 yr of speech therapy, Snick has only mastered 1 R sound but brings his homework back to the therapist all checked off. I didn't even know he HAD speech homework.

I liked Dupree's surgeon so much I'm taking Bman to him for his snoring. Surgery scheduled for next week.

Got a call from Taz's probation officer that he is being charged. We have not been served.

Reg mtg for Taz and Pootie for HS next year. Taz is taking the same electives as Pootie & therefore steam is coming out of her ears & totally making my hair go flat.

Forgot about summer swimming program reg at the pool where Bugaboo works. They took a blank check w/them but now Pootie is too shy to stand in line by herself while Bugaboo is working.

At dinner with geeks from SSB's work. So this is what it feels like to be suicidal.

Pootie just greased up her guinea pig with udder cream. I read that it helps. Gross.

Even grosser is a greasy dead guinea pig in the cage this morning. Pretty sure it wasn't because of the udder cream.

Bman just drank his "silly juice" before surgery. When I brought up his Jedi jammies he jumped up and started swinging an imaginary light saber.

We still haven't been served. Probation officer never seemed too much on the ball. Maybe she got her juveniles mixed up.

Am up at 1 a.m. with Bunny. She can't breathe and we're giving her breathing treatments around the clock.

Took Bunny to the dr this morning for more breathing treatments but they are admitting her to the hosptial.

We've been at the hospital for a few hours now and Bunny has pushed the nurse call button 4 times despite my admonishments to not touch the red one.

And that's where I am now. Yeah. Here's the thing. 2009 was supposed to be BETTER. This doesn't feel like better.

(OK. Some of these are too long to actually be on Twitter, but I'm too tired to actually count the characters and shorten any fake Tweets that are over 140.)

With Apologies to Joan Jett (and her fans)

2009-02-11T08:16:00.002-06:00

Right now she's the sweetest girl you've ever seen
I can't believe Bugaboo is seventeen.
Our list of kids is long.
But she's our favorite one.
And I can tell it won't be long
Till she will leave me, yeah me.
And I can tell it won't be long
Till she will leave me, yeah me, singin'

I'm on birth control.
I'll put another nail in your coffin, Mommy.
I'm out on parole.
Come and waste your time and lecture me.
OW!

She smiles so sweet and flips her golden mane
My room don't matter she says
Cuz its always the same
She said though I'm never home
You can call my phone

And next she's movin' on
Without me, yeah me
Next she's movin' on
Without me, yeah me, singin'

I just smoked a bowl
Got a dime bag in my sock drawer, Mommy
I just sold my soul
So go and waste your time and pray for me.
OW!

I'll say I'm takin' you home
Your care-free days are blown

No more movin' on
Livin' back with me, yeah me
And she won't be movin' on
But singin' a brand new song
Yeah, with me, singin'

I walked a rocky road
Got put in my place real quick by Mommy
A debt to her is owed
Please come and take a chance and rescue me.

Homemade Love

2009-02-09T10:58:00.005-06:00

Last year Beeman wanted to make homemade Valentines for his Kindergarten class. I saw these in Family Fun magazine and thought they were very cute. But cuteness comes at a price. It took for-freaking-ever to just do the prep work and cut all the squares and slots and strips and hearts and I was glad I started a week early.

Getting him to sit down and weave them and then write on them was an even bigger chore. He got about halfway through when he decided he wasn't going to write on them anymore, only sign his name. He was very distressed when I didn't agree with his plan.

This year I thought for sure he would want to buy some from the store and was shocked and dismayed when he said he wants to make them again. The same kind. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut and pick up a box of Transformers valentines? Why, oh why, oh why? So the cutting begins. With 2-year-old help of course.

Gotta Say

2009-02-01T21:39:00.005-06:00

I gotta say Matt Leinert I mean Kurt Warner cleans up nice. He got that suit on QUICK after the Superbowl didn't he??? I'm impressed. Me likey.

Ugly Toe Does Cayman

2009-01-14T18:20:00.000-06:00

OK. OK. OK. So No one really wants look at our pictures of Cayman. I get it. But I do want to show you these.

So as you all vividly remember, I broke my toe right before my big 4-0 bday. Strangely enough, the nail never got loose, it was just a little bit raised. I thought for sure I was going to lose it, but never did.

But then SSB and I went to Cayman and bought snorkeling equipment. Flippers. Mask. Snorkel. Kit. Caboodle. We snorkeled and dove and had a blast. But on Day 4 we were snorkeling right off the beach at the resort and we saw a barracuda under the dock and it scared the bejeebus out of me and I HIGHTAILED it back to the sand on the double. As I sat there picturing kittens and butterflies I looked down and noticed that MY TOENAIL WAS GONE!!! I checked my flipper, but it wasn't there. It was fish food.

So, just like the Travelocity Roaming Gnome on all his adventures, I took pictures of it around the island just for you.

Ugly Toe at Rum Point

Ugly Toe on Seven Mile Beach

Ugly Toe on the boat to Stingray City

Ugly Toe and Ugly Friend

Ugly Toe at the Marriott

Ugly Toe IN the Marriott

Ugly Toe with a sand snowman

Ugly Toe with a sand boob
(or something - I don't know, we didn't make it)

Babies!!!

2008-12-20T11:51:00.004-06:00

So we've had a little trouble here at the epicenter of the universe with one of the kids so I've been a little distracted and unbloggy. And because of that trouble SSB and I only made it to Grand Cayman for our much-anticipated vacation by the skin of our teeth but we are here, albeit a few days later than planned.

Actually today is our last full day and M&V left this morning. We were all supposed to leave together but our itinerary got rearranged at the beginning AND the end. Oh well. It's the middle that matters anyway.

I will (probably) blog a whole travel log that I've kept when we get back (cuz I know everyone is always thrilled to hear about other people's vacations!) but until then I wanted to direct you over the the Queen B's blog about a family going to Guatemala to live in and oversee the baby dorm of an orphanage (Casa Para Ninos Aleluya). Newborns to 5 years old. I don't know about you, but I can't even imagine a better way to serve God. ITS BABIES!!! 60 to 100 BABIES just wanting to be fed and held and cuddle and loved. Its like a dream job. I mean, if you can stop yourself from thinking about the sadness of them being orphans in the first place or what might happen to them later. And maybe the safety of your own family while you're there. But its God's work. You'd have the Big Guy on your side.

I'm sitting on the beach in paradise crying my eyes out at the opportunity this family has and the fact that they have taken it. I wonder if they need a few pairs of hands from Texas to help out. Hmmmmmmm.

BABIES!

Pink Baby 2.0

2008-12-05T21:10:00.000-06:00

To add to my stress level while Bunny was in the hospital a couple weeks ago, my cell phone (a Cingular POS) was dying a slow death. Whenever I tried to charge it, nothing happened. Then when I went to unplug it, the guts came out with the plug. If I held on to it real tight I could get it to charge, but I got several hand cramps that way.

So last weekend when it finally gave up the ghost and wouldn't charge at all, we went phone shopping and this is what I got:

I call her Pink Baby 2.0. I'm not really in to pink or cutesy, but I must have been in a cutesy mood that day.

The original Pink Baby is a doll I was given by my Uncle Jim and Aunt Rose when I was born. I looooooved that doll when I was little. Other dolls came and went but Pink Baby remained. For a time when I slept with every stuffed animal I had, she held the coveted space next to me. When I read to myself in bed I pretended to hook up wires from my head to her's so she could listen to the story too. (How lazy is that? I wouldn't even read out loud to her.) She slept under my arm pushed under my chin and as the night wore on, eventually she got squished beneath me. But it was OK because she was soft.

She wore a fuzzy pink snowsuit-type thing that didn't come off and covered her hands and feet. And she had a music box in her back. I don't remember what it played, maybe Rockabye Baby, but I remember when it broke and my mom performed a laminectomy on her and took it out. She still has the scar.

I am the only one who has ever loved her. Everyone else who sees her makes fun of her and I just don't get it. They think she's creepy because she has no hands, scabby knees, and ham hocks. Oh, and because I cut off 2 of the 3 little wisps of hair that poked through her hood.

What do you think? Creepy or totally lovable?

Bunny Breath and a Cookie

2008-11-29T15:29:00.005-06:00

Last week we woke up at 5 a.m. and Bunny was having a hard time breathing. She was working really hard just to squeeze a wheeze out. We didn't have any Albuterol for the nebulizer, only the steroid Pulmicort and when I called the pharmacy for a quick refill I found out we didn't have any left. Beeman had just done a mask the night before and I didn't realize that was the last one left.

I brought her in to the doctor's office at 9:00 and 5 breathing treatments, 6 suckers, and 4 times of watching Toy Story over and over later we were sent to the hospital. She hadn't gotten worse during the day, but none of the treatments made her better either.

Doesn't she look like she needs to be hospitalized???

They really shouldn't have parked that wheelchair in her room. It was the hit of the day when the kids came to visit her. Note her gloves and tippy toes. Tee hee!The floor was covered with black marks after they left.

The hospital staff was AWESOME. Because of her food allergies there wasn't a lot on the menu she could have so the Dietary staff even went out that night and got her some Rice Krispies and rice milk for breakfast the next morning. That was above and beyond, I thought. I hope they send me a survey to fill out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

SSB got up at 4:30 a.m. on Black Friday and went and bought us an awesome new TV because ours petered out a few weeks ago.

Of course the best part for the kids was the big box it came in. They got in it like a big sled and slid down then stairs over and over and over. Each time they added a twist that made it a little scarier. Right before one particularly harrowing ride down I heard Beeman say, "If we don't make it, put a cookie on my grave."

I don't know where he came up with that one, but it cracked me up!

Honor

2008-11-13T14:53:00.000-06:00

A couple months ago Bugaboo received a letter saying she had been nominated for the National Honor Society. I didn't think she'd want to do it, but the day the application and essays were due she scrambled to get it all in on time.

A few weeks after that I got a letter saying she had been accepted. Woo hoo! I thought it was very exciting but she didn't seem to share my enthusiasm. She took the letter and put it in her room.

As she was leaving for school on Monday the 3rd of this month she said, "Are you going to be there tonight? It starts at 7 and I'm supposed to work until then, but maybe I can get someone to take my last lesson and cover for me." Huh? SSB was out of town for the day and Taz had a guitar lesson from 6:45 to 7:30. That's all I knew about.

As I stared at her blankly she said, "The NHS ceremony is tonight." I told her the obstacles in the way but that I would try. Really hard. She left saying OK and still acting like it was no big deal.

I got Dupree to take Taz to his lesson and Pootie watched the younger kids so I got to go to the ceremony. As I was driving into the parking lot Bugaboo texted me, "Are you coming????" Geez. For someone who wants to seem like she doesn't care about this, she sure was caring a lot about this!

Her boyfriend The Cradle Robber met me at the auditorium door and we sat as close to the front as possible. We saw her over on the side and made faces at her, which got us both an admonishing text message. :)

I texted her to just wait because we were going to jump up and down and scream when her name got called.

We didn't do it though. The ceremony wasn't too long or boring and she didn't trip as she walked across the stage to sign her name in the book so it was all good.

All of us are very proud of her.

Shedding A Shivery Tear

2008-11-07T12:10:00.000-06:00

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the smell of the cooler air and of ripe apples. I love keeping the window open at night and burying under the warm covers. I love seeing the leaves all over the sidewalks and lawns and watching them skip down the streets like they’re racing with the cars that go by.

Pumpkin patches, scarecrows, geese flying in V’s, homemade potato soup and bread, and thick sweaters. Dark evenings perfect for curling up with a book and a blanket under the soft glow of a lamp.

But amid all this loveliness right about THIS time of fall I get angry. The day after Halloween all the stores drag out the Christmas booty. Half of Wal-Mart is red right now. Red ribbons, red dinnerware, red candles, red dish towels. Everything is red and Christmas-y and I’m thinking “What about Thanksgiving? Why does everyone gloss over the best holiday of them all?”

And it IS the best holiday of them all. No spending money on costumes or presents or baskets full of chocolate tooth-rotting bunnies. Just family, friends and food. I don’t have to worry about disappointing someone by not giving them the exact right thing that they wanted. All I have to give is thanks and that’s easy.

If you look hard you might find some autumn/harvest/orange-ish items on an end cap or in a corner back by the bathrooms and it makes me sad. I know a lot of people get started early on their Christmas shopping, but that is on GIFTS, not décor. There should be more time dedicated to Thanksgiving in retail stores and maybe there will be more time dedicated to in society. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people focused on being thankful and grateful for weeks at a time instead of focusing on what they want to add to their Christmas list?

Shoemaker's Elves

2008-11-01T16:43:00.003-05:00

Blah blah blah. Halloween costumes.

Blah blah blah. Trick or Treating.

We've all heard all the stories. Except this one.

The area dentists have some deal with Payless Shoes in which they exchange candy for shoes for the less fortunate. I don't know exactly how it works but its Candy For Shoes. Our elementary school promotes it and we can donate the candy straight to them and they'll get it to the dentists. Last year I let the kids keep a pound of candy each and then we donated the rest.

Apparently the teachers have been talking it up to the students because BeeMan knew all about it. Last night while trick or treating he kind of ran out of steam and said he was done. He had enough for himself AND some shoes. I said all right, he didn't have to go to any more houses.

After we got home and they had their booty all poured out on the floor making Wall Street-worthy trades with each other, BeeMan asked if we could make the leftovers into shoes ourselves.

Suppressing a giggle, I just said no.

He said, "Yeah. I guess you need a special machine."

Yes. Yes, you do. Or some elves.

Pride

2008-10-28T08:40:00.002-05:00

I got a letter in the mail last week that said PootiePie had been selected to receive her middle school's "Lion's Pride Award" and there would be a ceremony Friday afternoon right before school let out. She didn't say anything to me about it and I didn't say anything to her about it, thinking it would be a surprise for her Friday afternoon when they told her to go to the auditorium instead of Athletics.

They give out this award to a few students from each grade (6th-8th) every 9 weeks. Bugaboo got one in 7th grade and this is actually Pootie's second time to receive one. The first one she got at the end of 6th grade. A teacher nominates them based on the Six Pillars of Character: Respect, Fairness, Responsibility, Trustworthiness, Caring and Citizenship. Pootie thinks she knows who nominated her because that teacher always makes her sit with "the bad kids".

SSB and Bunny and I headed up to the school with camera in tow for the ceremony. As the choir sang a couple songs to open things up, I scanned the seats for Pootie. No sign of her. Because they were sitting in alphabetic order, I found the kid she was supposed to be next to and saw an empty seat with her name taped to it. Shitballs! No one told her about it. I went out to the front desk and told them and they sent a runner to go get her from class, but she didn't come. When the dismissal bell rang the ceremony was still going on so when I saw her come down the hall I dragged her in there and brought her up to the stage. Several students had not been notified so even though most people were leaving, they were still announcing late-comers. Pootie was mortified and very crabby with me, but by God I was going to get a picture of her receiving that certificate if it killed the both of us.

Seems like the person whose job it was to notify the kids that they had won could use a few lessons in responsibility and trustworthiness. And caring. And respect.

Hippy Chick Updated

2008-10-26T15:31:00.004-05:00

We went to a 60's party last night at M&V's and I found this shirt for Bunny at the last minute at Goodwill. It makes a better hippy dress than shirt. She loves it and wouldn't let us take it off of her last night OR this morning. She is still wearing it She is the girliest girl EVER. You can't see them in this pic, but her toes are painted the same color so she is feeling very chic.

*UPDATE*
And here is SSB as Sonny Bono. He looked AWESOME. He looks like Italian Sonny Bono or a Mexican bandito. Either way, he rocked it. (Straightening his hair with the flat iron wasn't fun though.) I, on the other hand, don't make a very good Cher. Fat blonde chicks can't pull off skinny, black-haired Cher very well.

Dinner and a Movie

2008-10-19T15:33:00.000-05:00

Last year around Halloween the older kids wanted to watch some Vampire movies so I made an event of it. We rented "Lost Boys" "Interview With A Vampire" and "Bram Stoker's Dracula" and I made this penne pasta dish with Italian sausage and LOTS of garlic. Real garlic that had to be roasted and pressed, not garlic powder. The whole house and its occupants smelled like garlic for a week.

This year we wanted to do something like it again but didn't have a movie picked out until yesterday when I threw it all together at the last minute.

The boys were gone this weekend so it was just the girls and us, Bugaboo's boyfriend (Cradle Robber), Dupree and SSB's mom. I picked The Shining because SSB was the only one of us who had seen it. (But he didn't even remember what RedRum meant so I figured it had been a while.) I was 11 when that movie came out and I wanted to see it SO badly but never did. I'm not sure why I wanted to see it because the only other scary movie I had ever attempted to watch was The Silent Scream and as soon as some girl got slashed to death on the beach my sister and I were OUTTA THERE. We went to the lobby and called our dad to pick us up. He told us about how he went to see Phantom of the Opera when he was little and had gotten scared too. But he was only 5 years old so it didn't make us feel better about being so chicken.

The fun part of last night was trying to find some foods to tie to it. This is what our menu ended up being:

Appetizers/Snacks:
Chips and Outlook Rotel
Chips and Hell On The Redrum salsa (Cradle Robber's sister's family makes this line of sauces called "Hell on the Red".)

Main Course:
Chicken with Crazy Jack Cheese (I couldn't come up with a very good name for that one. I had never made it before. I just found the recipe on the internet and went for it.)
Wendy I'm Homemade Fries

Beverages:
Red Rum (adults only)
Room 237-Up Punch
Heeere's Johnny Apple Cider

Dessert:
Mr. Hallorann's Chocolate Ice Cream

All in all it was a pretty good night. But scary movies are scarier when its quiet and there are no interruptions and the suspense can build. That didn't happen here with Bunny and PootiePie around. Maybe I can come up with something else and we can try again next weekend.

Sucks To Be Just Another Cog in the Wheel

2008-10-11T16:30:00.002-05:00

So. I got a call from the elementary school principal yesterday. Not a note from the teacher. Not an email from the school. A CALL from the PRINCIPAL. This was Big Time.

Snickety and his friend got mad at a couple other boys at recess and called them a name. A BAD name. A name so bad that I gasped (ME!) and then tried not to giggle because she,THE PRINCIPAL, had said it. I will never be able to look at her the same ever again. Every time I see her now I will hear that word over and over in my head. Anyway. She said they will have to stay in at recess for two days next week and she was sending home a discipline referral form for me to sign and send back. I apologized to her and thanked her for calling. Then I waited for school to get out.

I picked the kids up and acted normal, but for the knowing glares I gave Snick. They went right over his head. I asked how everyone's day was. "Goooood" they all chimed. Really? I asked. Everyone, all of you, had good days? Nothing bad happened? Nope. Great days, in fact, because it was the first early release day ever. OK. We'll just see about that, mister.

We got home and I told Snick to put his backpack away and then come down and sit on the couch. SSB and I were in chairs facing the couch just like I'm sure an FBI interrogation room is set up.

SSB: So. What did you do today?

Snick: Well. First we had regular class, then we went to recess, then we had Switch Class, then we had lunch, then we came back and had AR time then we packed up to go.

SSB: Oh. What did you do at recess?

Snick: Well. First I got in line to play kickball because I thought we were going to play but no one else came. Then I walked around by myself. Then I saw some boys playing with a football and I thought they were playing Jackpot which is my favorite game so I went over there. But they were playing football so I asked if I could play.

(My heart is breaking a little right now but I gotta hang tough.)

SSB: And did they let you?

Snick: Yes.

SSB: And that's all?

Snick: Yeah.

Me: Time out! I don't think that's all. What else happened? Where else did you go?

Snick: No where.

Me: EH! (buzzer noise) Wrong! Let's move on to you going to the principals office.

Snick: Oh.

SSB: Why did you get sent to the principal's office?

Snick: Well. These guys on the other team made a touchdown and they were being really mean and bragging about it and then when they punted it they hit Daniel with the ball on purpose. He called them names and then I copied him and then they told on us and when we went back to the room the teacher took us to the office.

Me: What name did you call them?

(Ready for this??)

Snick: A cogsucker.

SSB and Me (trying really hard not a laugh): A WHAT??

Snick: Cogsucker. I don't know what it means but it is inappropriate.

SSB: Yes it is. But what you said isn't what they think you said. They think you said _______ sucker (Edited for family reasons. One of them being my dad he thinks I already have a potty mouth.)

Me: Do you know what that means?

Snick: No.

At this point SSB, all flustered and floundering, goes on what I call a "Sin and Syntax Rant" trying to explain American colloquialisms and slang and getting his tongue stuck to the top of his mouth in the process. At a convenient stammering point I jumped in.

Me: Penis! It's slang for penis. So when you said they were _________ (again edited so as I won't be disinherited) what does that mean you say they do??

Snick just stared at me with a mortified look on his face for what seemed an eternity. Then instead of answering he just said, "I get it." I like that answer. That boy will go far in this world, I do believe.

I'll spare you the blow by blow (tee hee) of the whole conversation but what it comes down to is that the other boy said it first. He had heard it on a movie, he said. Snick copied him in a misguided attempt to avenge his friend. The school doesn't know that he didn't actually say the REAL version but that's OK. He'll do his time for calling a name even if it wasn't what they thought it was and he didn't know what he was saying.

He knows what it is NOW though. And he will NEVER SAY IT AGAIN!!!

Bikini Kill

2008-10-05T22:14:00.001-05:00

Love you like a sister always
Soul sister, Rebel girl
Come and be my best friend

Crying Buckets

2008-09-30T12:31:00.005-05:00

If anyone is in the mood for a good cry, click here to go to the Queen B's blog for today. Its the sweetest thing ever. But sad too.

Good News and Bad

2008-09-26T18:14:00.004-05:00

The good news first.

SSB called the urgent care last night and told them what an undesirable, non-compliant patient I am and how the crutches really didn't mesh with my baby-schlepping lifestyle and asked for an orthopedic boot instead and happily they gave him one. Yay. This is much easier.

Bad news is that the shirt didn't work and I did NOT stay 39 Forever. Oh No.

4 For 40

2008-09-25T14:52:00.000-05:00

After limping around for 5 days and screwing up my back in the process I decided it was time to get my foot checked out last night. SSB took me to the urgent care up the street. They are doing some remodeling. I think they are adding an ArtistMommy wing. ;)

Anyway. They took some x-rays and when the doctor came back in after looking at them he was kind of chuckling to himself. The top of my big toe is broken in four pieces. "Shattered" he said. I don't see what's so funny. We got to see the x-rays as we were leaving and one of the breaks is a whole chip on the side. He gave me some crutches even though I wanted a boot. I am not using them. How am I going to hang on to Bunny through the parking lot when I take BeeMan to the dentist this afternoon if I'm on crutches??? A boot would be so much easier. Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me??

Today's the last day of my 30's. Or is it????

If This is 40 . . .

2008-09-20T16:41:00.005-05:00

. . . what am I going to be like at 80?

Last night I was coming down the stairs and shutting down my laptop at the same time. I stopped on the landing to close the last program and then started walking again. I used to be so good at multi-tasking. Not so much anymore, I guess, because I wasn't really on the landing - I was a stair or two up and proceeded to walk right off like Wile E. Coyote walking off a cliff. Only I didn't hang in midair and hold up a sign like ol' Wile E. would. I went straight down on my right foot, toes first, flipping the toenail and then the big toe back. Oh. My. Grossness.

This is the second time in my life this nail has been sacrificed on the alter of pain to the podiatry gods. The first time I was about 10 years old and shared a room with my sister. One day she thought she'd sneak up, throw open the door and scare me. Little did she know I was standing right on the other side of the door brushing my long 70's hair in the full-length 70's mirror we had mounted on it. Right after my mom pulled it off with a pair of tweezers I tied a piece of red yarn around my bedpost to remind myself to be a hermit when I grew up.

I woke up this morning and my toes were stuck together from all the blood and gore that had oozed out during the night. Of course I took a picture or two for blogging purposes. Go ahead and click on those bad boys and get a good look. But pay no attention to my grown-out pedicure. That alone is enough to scare you.
As you can see, the top of my foot is bruised. I don't know if my toe is injured or not. My whole foot could be crushed and it would be nothing to me compared to the nail being loose. I get REALLY sickened by loose nails. I think I'm all right though because I can hobble around on it by walking on the side of my foot. But I am used to that due to the whole 1986 Fantastic Frostbite Fiasco that caused me to walk on the sides of my feet for a very, very long time.

Just to nauseate you further, the dog keeps coming and licking it and flies keep landing on it.

A few weeks ago SSB dropped a big, huge heavy thing on one of his middle toes and it was SO gross and he was in a lot of pain. Why, oh WHY, didn't I give him more sympathy and attention???

I've now blogged about my pink eye, my black and blue butt and finally this. Head to toe. I've covered it all now, right?

You know, I think Rock Band 2 would make my toe feel much better. Much.

More from the mind of Snick

2008-09-18T22:03:00.000-05:00

"What do you think would happen if humans were the only living thing in the world?"

and

"What do you think would happen if the earth was controlled by something inside the earth?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like if there was a big display in a country that had like a sponge or a donut or something and all of the earth and space and beyond was in it or on it and if someone came and ate it we’d basically be in him. And if he got sick then we’d get thrown up probably."

That kind of seemed like two different things to me. The explanation seemed like it went with a different question but I just asked, "Why would someone eat a donut that was on display?"

"Well I’m guessing he’d be a hobo or something and it was the security guard’s night off."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thursday is his turn to say the prayer at dinner. This was tonight's:

"Dear Lord, thank you for this food Mom made for us and I pray that we get our chores done quick so we can go out and play again. Amen."

Working Out Was Never So Easy

2008-09-14T17:35:00.004-05:00

With only 12 weeks left until SSB and I go to the Cayman Islands with our friends M & V, it is time to get serious about getting in shape. Apparently the imminent arrival of my 40th birthday has not been enough of a motivator . . . but being in a swimsuit for one week solid hopefully will be. This means less eating and more exercising because bulimia is a lot harder to develop than you'd think.

I've read that keeping a food diary is key to weight loss. My sister told me about fitday.com a while ago and I've used it from time to time but not consistently enough to do much good. SSB and I logged on today and started the ball rolling.

It isn't just a food log, they have EVERYTHING!! You can put in weight and nutrition goals and track your mood, weight, measurements, and activities and it will spit out graphs and reports. My favorite part is where you put in how many minutes you participated in an activity and it will tell you how many calories it burned. And they have TONS of activities in there. You can even put in taking a shower and toweling off. This is IN ADDITION TO the basic calories you burn just by being alive. Score! I never realized that good hygiene was an exercise.

I'm all for keeping track of how many calories I burned and not so much on what I ate. Like I popped a few of Bunny's wheat-free pretzels in my mouth but I'm not gonna tell fitday about it. And if I did I would probably tell them it was 3, not 12. However, if I talked on the phone while standing for 10 minutes that would definitely get recorded.

This morning I started scouring the different categories looking for anything I could count as exercise. I skipped all the Walking, Running, Biking, and Fishing and Hunting categories because that would just be a waste of my time. Ditto for the Water and Winter activities. I knew I didn't go snow shoeing yet today. My pot of gold was lying in the Miscellaneous (reading while sitting) and Inactivity (watching TV while sitting quietly) and Home (reclining with baby) categories.

That Home category is my best bet. Just the "carrying small child" and "putting away household items" activities are going to take up most of my minutes. Listen to all the stuff you do every day that you can record as fat busters: vacuuming, watering plants, mopping, child care, elder care, cleaning house or cabin (cleaning a trailer or houseboat apparently doesn't get you squat), washing dishes, washing the dog, playing with children and animals (those are separate but they burn the same amount in case you're wondering), knitting, and making a bed just to name a few. Its awesome. According to this marvelous website I am a calorie burning MACHINE!! (My thighs tell a different story but I'm not listening to that one.)

Admittedly, I don't do a lot of knitting so that one is probably out. And there are others in that category that I will also not be participating in, although I'm sure they just melt the fat away. These include maple syruping/sugar bushing, cooking Indian bread on an outdoor stove and butchering animals.

What the?? How did those categories even make it onto the list? I'm thinking the only people who routinely go sugar bushing and cook bread outside and butcher animals are Quakers, Amish and Mennonites and they don't even have computers to track their activities on anyway. I think some list-compiling employee over at fitday needs to have a little more supervision.

I'm going to take advantage of all the other ridiculous ones though. Playing cards, food shopping with or without a cart, and changing a light bulb are all getting written down. Oh, and they don't have playing Rock Band on there but they do have a whole category for music playing and I'm thinking its just the same thing so I should be a size 3 in no time.

Due to interruptions it has taken me 2 full hours to blog this relatively short post. And that, my friends, is an easy 210 calories burned.

August Crush

2008-08-28T17:00:00.004-05:00

August is always a yucky month for me and this year is even worse than usual. If biorhythms tracked monthly ups and downs and not daily ones, I'd try to blame it on that. As it is, I don't have an explanation. I just go with it.

I will try to get out of my funk as quickly as possible and get back to blogging, but until then try some of these blogs if you haven't already:
Queen B
Dooce
Jen On The Edge
Notes from the Trenches
Bee's Musings

Follow the Yellow Drip Road

2008-08-14T20:12:00.007-05:00

On Wednesday Snickety and BeeMan's room was a disaster so I sent them in there to clean it. However, as soon as I turned my back they both slipped into their bathroom. Together. Kids together in the bathroom with the door closed is never a good thing. When my sister and I went into the bathroom together we were either eating spoonfuls of Country Time lemonade powder or doing experiments that included piling baby powder and Old Spice aftershave onto a Kleenex.

I didn't actually notice them until BeeMan came out. And being naturally suspicious, I opened the door and caught an eyeful of Snick sittin' on the pot. Nice. I closed the door most of the way so I could talk to them both and asked what they were doing in there. Beeman said they both had to go to the bathroom really bad RIGHT THEN. I pointed out that they can't go pee at the same time anyway (which they COULD but I wasn't going to say that, lest it become it pastime) so why didn't Snick clean the bedroom while BeeMan was going to the bathroom and then BeeMan clean while Snick was going? He shined me on and just said "Oh yeah. We could have."

I kind of thought there was more to the story but I have to pick my battles so I just went downstairs. A few minutes later I heard SSB say, "OK, but I still have to tell Mommy you lied to her" and he came downstairs quietly chuckling and told me I had been duped. I said, "By whom? The little freckled-faced one?" Yes.

Apparently as soon as I left BeeMan opened the bathroom door and said, "Whew! That was a close one!" Not gifted in the area of sneakiness, he said this within earshot of SSB who was obviously sitting in the next room and thus began the interrogation. Knowing they were busted, they folded like a cheap card table and made the job very easy. They spilled their guts about how they had been peeing into empty pop bottles and keeping them hidden in their closet. Why? Because they wanted to see how yellow the toilet would get when they finally dumped it. OK. Time for good cop/bad cop and I am always Bad Cop. ALWAYS. I went upstairs and made a dramatic entrance into their room where they were busy as beavers cleaning up.

"I'm mad!" I announced. "Do you know why?"

"Because we peed in bottles" BeeMan whimpered.

"No. Because you lied about it. You guys can pee into your HANDS for all I care but you can NOT lie. And Snick, even though you didn't say a word, it was still lying on your part."

"OK."

"So. Do you guys want a spanking or do you want to do an extra chore?"

"Extra chore" they said in unison.

"OK" I said as I left. "And if you want it to be yellow, just take a vitamin in the morning."

Tee hee.

So now they have started over to get it yellower. Here it is hidden in the sleeping bag in their closet. Ew.

Elton John is a Prophet

2008-08-07T11:11:00.003-05:00

Yes, that's a NY jersey not a Green Bay one. And all morning I can't get the song "Benny and the Jets" out of my head. You know, Benny as in "Benedict Arnold" the traitor. I don't think this whole thing is his fault entirely or think that he's a total traitor but I feel like it a little bit. When he found out the Packers (stupid Ted Thompson) didn't want him back he could have just dropped it and stayed retired. That's the way it would have happened if the CoftheU were really in charge. Then he could have gone out in style like he did in March and kept it that way instead of all this mess.

And to all you Packers fans who have booed Aaron Rodgers, SHAME ON YOU! You are giving us a bad name and tarnishing OUR reputation. Rodgers has kept his dignity throughout this whole thing and not said one bad word against anyone. He has shown a lot of class which is more than anyone can say for you boo-ers. You can love Brett and be on his side and NOT against Rodgers. This has never been and Aaron -vs- Brett thing and you should be ashamed of yourselves. Especially the little 6-year-old boy AND his parents from this article.

Green Bay, My Patootie

2008-08-01T16:11:00.006-05:00

Two things are on my mind today.

The first one is the whole Packers -vs- Brett Favre fiasco. I hate thinking about it and admitting to myself that it is even really happening. Everyone is talking about it and they all have an opinion and it gets confusing when I try to wrap my head around it. But you know the saying, opinions are like @$$h0le$, everybody's got one.

And speaking of asses, I come to the second thing on my mind. SSB's sister, brother-in-law and nephew are in town and we went to a water park yesterday. I almost stayed home and feigned cramps or diarrhea or dengue fever or whatever I might get away with because being a natural redhead (that has faded to blonde surely on its way to grey), the sun and I don't get along well. But mom-guilt got the better of me and I joined them. Turns out I should have lied and stayed home.

I took two trips down a water slide and am paying dearly for it. When you first go down the chute of this particular thrill, you run over these white drains that look like the heating and air vents on the ceiling of most houses. Very ridgey. The first time I went down and felt the drains of death I thought, wow that hurt. So the second time I thought I'd stay propped up on the innertube a little more so my ass wasn't dragging. But as I looked down the seemingly straight-down slide I must have chicken out, puckered up and hunkered back down into it because my cheeks went rolling over them again, just like driving over the rumble strips on the side of the highway.

SSB thought it looked bad last night but today is even worse. Just like Favre's reputation I am battered and bruised and taking a beating. And with both of us, its getting uglier every day.

Words will not suffice so I am exposing myself to the whole bloggy world. Granted, there are worse pix on the web and I DO have undies on this one, but I am forewarning you anyway. You may not want to scroll down if you are in the presence of small children or are at work or are, say, MY DAD. Or maybe you're just not in the mood to look at my almost 40 year old butt. And you if you should choose to continue, you COULD click on it to get a bigger, better idea, but probably you shouldn't.

Scroll on, brave soul. Scroll on.

So there you have it. Lock, stock, and smoking barrel. I am taking my black azz and logging off. Good night.

Boy, That Was Some Good Peein'

2008-07-24T14:04:00.003-05:00

And speaking of my birthday, as the Big 4-0 quickly approaches I am becoming increasingly aware that I have less and less time to get into shape. Its now or never.

I have lost the baby weight from Bunny, but big woo. She'll be two in September. Celebrities lose their baby weight in mere weeks. Besides, my pre-pregnancy weight was about 10 pounds more than I was comfortable with anyway. And it was 20 pounds more than would make me gleeful and conceited.

So SSB and I have been working out and cutting carbs. The other day we went to the gym and I alternated between walking and running on the treadmill for the longest 20 minutes of my damn life and then I lifted weights. Triceps and quads and calves. Oh my. When I got home I re-weighed myself, just for farts and giggles and was happy to see I had lost 4 tenths of a pound. I'll take it. I did a little happy dance to the shower and was doing my best Gene Kelly impersonation, splashing and soft-shoeing, when SSB came in the bathroom. He weighed himself, turned around and took a piss and then weighed again and lost 6 TENTHS OF A POUND. Just like that. I had to almost kill myself and all he had to do was pee. And he has the bladder of an INFANT. Its not like he pulled a Jimmy Dugan or anything.

If only it were really that easy always.

This Ain't A Scene, It's My Pretend Birthday

2008-07-23T09:24:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday to MEEEE!
Happy Birthday TO MEEE!
Happy BIRTH - wait.
It's not my birthday.

But that did not stop ArtistMommy from giving me a birthday present! Why? Because she's just cool like that.

Yes! It is Petey's book from his childhood nightmares that I've been wanting to add to my crush collection. She took the (oh so subtle) hint and pwned you all!

As for the story itself he says right up front that it has no point. And he's right. Its kind of like his songs, which IMHO are crybaby wah-wah, o woe is me. But that's the stuff from which songs are made and he's apparently good at it. I hope for Ashlee's sake he's not that whiny in real life though.

I LOVE celebrating my birthday when its not my birthday!! As far as friends go, ArtistMommy is totally boss. She is the cheese to my macaroni. And, I know people are supposed to actually meet before they become friends but . . . I guess normalcy isn't really our style. Its like we've known each other forever and have lived parallel lives. We keep finding quirky little things that are same about us and our past. I don't usually even have FRIENDS, let alone twin soul-type friends so I've decided neither of us is ever moving. Ever. We're going to Lucy and Ethel it right here on this block.

Keep On A-Rockin' Me Baby

2008-07-16T08:50:00.003-05:00

The Rock Band 2 setlist came out yesterday and I can hardly contain myself. Last night I dreamed about all the songs to come. How am I going to wait until September??

Alanis Morissette "You Oughta Know". Are you kidding me?? I'd buy it JUST for that song.

Billy Idol "White Wedding". Too bad its not Mony Mony, but it'll do.

Offspring "Come Out & Play". You gotta keep 'em separated!

Red Hot Chili Peppers "Give It Away". I'm already warming up my tongue for that one.

Joan Jett "Bad Reputation". Ahhh. The memories.

Ratt "Round and Round". I know a chick from Sapaloopa that will be over here to play THAT one as soon as she can. :)

System of a Down "Chop Suey". Creepy but fun to sing.

Bikini Kill "Rebel Girl". Yikes, but yay! And Nirvana "Drain You" which it is said Kurt Cobain wrote it about Tobi Vail from Bikini Kill. I don't like Nirvana anyway and don't know if I can sing about chewing your meat for you without gagging.

The list goes on and on. 84 songs, all master recordings, plus 20 available for download later. I'm crossing my fingers hoping for "Welcome to the Jungle".

It's Finger-Lookin' Good!

2008-07-14T09:47:00.004-05:00

I was looking at Pootie's finger over the weekend and was pleasantly surprised to find that the snakebite wound has healed over. Her surgeon had wanted to do a skin graft last week or the week before but there was no opening until July 25th and now I think its too late.

This morning I left a message for him to call me so we could discuss it. I got a call back within an hour, which was another pleasant surprise. A woman transferred me to another woman who asked if she could help me first. I told her what was going on and she said, "Oh. You better talk to him about that."

But then she came back on the phone and said, "OK. We'll cancel the surgery. He does want to see her one more time though" and made us an appointment. Wow. That was easy. I was thinking I'd take her down to see him before the surgery so HE could determine if she still needed it or not, but its fine with me.

What do you think?

RAK Hijack

2008-07-09T14:33:00.002-05:00

My friend from Oklahoma and her two boys came down for the 4th of July and spent about a week here. We had a lot of fun and our kids were disappointed to see them go because "we did something every day and now we're just going to sit here and do nothing again." Hmmph.

Her kids want to move here because there is always someone to play with "and if you get bored with one kid, just move on to another." :)

One of the things we did was go to a Rangers game Tuesday night. I didn't think any of my kids would be interested in going, but they did (with the exception of Bugaboo because she had to work). As we drove toward Arlington we saw the clouds a-comin' but pressed ahead anyway. As we got to the parking lot it started to POUR and the kids were griping that the game would be canceled.

We pulled into the open lot where an attendant was standing in the downpour. SSB rolled the window down to fork over the $12 and the guy asked if we were with the people ahead of us. We had taken two cars but my friend's car was beside us, not in front of us so there was a moment of confusion. The attendant said the car in front of us had paid for us already but since we had said we weren't with them he said maybe they meant the one behind us.

As we pulled ahead I looked back and the car behind us paid for themselves too so now I'm wondering what that was all about. Was the person ahead of us performing a Random Act of Kindness and it got screwed it up? Did the guy keep an extra $12 that was to go toward their karma? Or was he just testing us to see if we'd say yes, we were with them so let us in?

With my mind running in all these directions I didn't even pay attention to what kind of car was in front of us so I could find them and thank them, if it had it been a RAK, and I feel bad about that.

I Look and I Sound Like the Letter $$$$$$$$$$

2008-07-07T17:40:00.003-05:00

Update on the snake bite drama.

Pootie has most of her range of motion back in her finger. It doesn't straighten all the way or bend all the way when making a fist, but the hand surgeon is pleased with what she CAN do even though it is still somewhat numb. He said it probably damaged some of her nerves but he didn't say if she'll regain any sensation or not. However, her wound where the little sucker actually bit her has not healed up on its own enough and she is scheduled for outpatient surgery to have a skin graft on July 25. Luckily, not TOO much tendon is showing and he doesn't have to do the cross-finger flap he thought he might have to do and it will just be a regular skin graft, probably taking the skin from somewhere on her thigh or hip.

In related news we got another statement from the insurance company. Children's Medical Center charged Cigna $189,926.50 just for the ER and inpatient part of her hospital stay (doesn't include doctor charges, ambulance, etc.). $99,999.00 of that was just for the Cro-Fab (anti-venin). If you read my original post about this, you'll know that I took home the information sheet that the ER sent up to the nurses on the floor about it and one of the things it said was that each vial of Cro-Fab costs the hospital $900 and I wondered how much they were going to charge the insurance company. My answer is $3333.33 if she got 30 vials. (I lost track and know she got between 24 and 30 vials but for math purposes we'll say it was 30.) Cigna only allowed for about $58,000, meaning they paid about $1900 a vial. Quite a profit for the hospital.

E-Care charged my credit card $100 the night it happened and I don't know how much they charged the insurance company but another $250 was automatically paid out of our flexible spending account (cafeteria plan). I don't know what they could charge for though because all that place did was call an ambulance. That is ALL they did. The ambulance took her from E-Care to the local hospital 7.7 miles away (even though that hospital wasn't equipped to do anything about her injury) and we just got a bill for $485.00 for that pointless ride. That's almost $63 a mile. It's crazy.

$tay away from $nakes!

In a Wad

2008-07-02T10:41:00.006-05:00

Guess what?

I'm wearing panties!!!

But it wasn't a successful endeavor. She baptized two pair in half an hour. Oh well. It was a start.

Guinea Puppy

2008-07-02T10:05:00.009-05:00

SSB got a wild hair the other day and took Diego (the guinea pig) out of his cage so Sofine could have her way with him. He was feeling sorry for her after her initial contact with him, which you can read about here.

SSB held Diego and Dupree held Sofine's collar. All was well so he let Diego walk around on the ottoman by himself. Sofine didn't take her eyes off of him. She just stared and stared as he came closer to her. He came over and sniffed her.

And he cuddled up to her.

He pretty much accepted her maternal advances like when she nudged him around like a newborn puppy.

And they were both very happy. But I'm not quite ready to just let them both loose together. Not yet anyway.

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny

2008-06-27T13:44:00.007-05:00

For those of you who don't personally know us, let me describe Pootiepie for you before I start this story. She is 13 and just starting to grow out of being a tomboy, at least on the outside. Inside she's pretty much the same. She's either 5'1" or 5'2" and barely weighs 80 pounds. She looks like a newborn colt, all legs. Her legs are so stick skinny they don't look like they should be able to hold her up. The only big thing on her are her feet. She currently wears a women size 8.5 shoe and counting. They look like flippers attached to the skinniest ankles you can imagine and her thighs aren't much bigger.

Swimsuit season is upon us and we, the adults of the family, decided it was time for her to get a new one. She doesn't have a lot that needs to be covered (picture Olive Oyl in a bikini) but after 2 or 3 summers in use, her suit was ready for retirement. Besides. It was a size 7/8. 7/8 like what first and second graders typically wear. It still fit her and she wasn't hanging out of it anywhere but we insisted.

Even though she is a teenager and going into 8th grade I knew that nothing that is supposed to fit her would fit her. I thought size 10/12 should work though. I went shopping one day and took pictures of different suits I thought were cute and sent them to Bugaboo's phone at home for Pootie to see and choose one. She chose a red and white striped two piece but when I went back for it, the ONE that was size 10/12 wasn't there anymore. Shitballs. I left without buying anything and figured she could go back some other time to see if they got more or go to a different store to look.

A couple days later Bugaboo took Pootie shopping. I knew it would be a painful experience because Pootie is very critical of everything that isn't just perfect and gets mean about it and I was glad to not have to go. They came back a couple hours later and Pootie triumphantly held up her purchase. She liked the color, the style and the fit. I was happy. She was happy. Bugaboo was happy to have made it home alive. All seemed well.

Until she tried it on for me. It still seemed quite small. She yelled, "Its a size 10/12 just like you said to get!!" I looked at the hanger. Yep. 10/12. I looked at the tags. Um. Not quite 10/12. It was size 6x. Like what kindergarteners wear.

She had already taken the tags off and that protective lining in the bottoms and argued that her old one just probably shrunk and this one will be fine. She'll NEVER put it in the dryer, she promised. OK. Whatever. As long as I don't have to take her shopping for another one. This one will probably last her until she can drive anyway and she can go by herself.

Mama Mia Let Me Go

2008-06-22T16:02:00.007-05:00

When our dog Sofine first came to us a little over a year ago (we found her abandoned at a truck stop in Oklahoma) the vet had us take her for an ultrasound to see if she was pregnant. She had signs of being pregnant or recently delivering pups and she wanted to put her on an antibiotic for a tick bite disease she also had. The antibiotic would deform the puppies (so she said) if she was currently pregnant so we had to make sure.

She was NOT pregnant and so she got the antibiotic, but the conclusion was that she must have very recently had some puppies. She had very strong maternal instincts and would lick Bunny's little head for as long as we would let her. Maybe her previous owner had taken her babies away and so she ran away to find them. That's sad, but a possible scenario. I guess only a pet psychic would know.

Well. I'm about to call one in because she had gone crazy recently. Pootie finally got her wish for a guinea pig for her birthday. (The reviled gerbil still has not died but she got one anyway with birthday money.) And Sofine had gone ape $#!t for this new addition to our family. At first I wasn't sure if she wanted to eat him or nurse him, but now I think its nurse him. For one, thing he (named Diego) is tri-colored like she is, black, brown and white and he is about the size of a puppy. My strongest theory is that she thinks he really and truly is one of her long-lost babies because she will not leave his side. She just sits outside the cage staring and staring at him.

I don't want to take him out and put them together to see what happens though. I already feel sorry for the poor little guy being stared at all the time. It must be a little daunting. But Pootie and Bugaboo thought they'd try it one night with each of them holding one animal to assure no major carnage. I'm not sure who fell down on their job but Sofine licked Diego's butt and then there was much screaming and carrying on and Diego was shut back up in his cage.

Once in a while Sofine will bark while sitting outside the cage, but only one little woof. My heart kind of breaks for her and I want to put them together for her sake. Even if she figures out he's not a puppy she still may take it as a substitute and love him like her own. I just don't know how HE would take to that. And I'd hate to be wrong and find out she's been picturing him as a big porkchop or something like in cartoons.

Anyone have any suggestions? Please comment and let me know what you think.

Scabba Dabba Doo

2008-06-22T15:44:00.004-05:00

Ugh. The following is not for the faint of heart.

Pootie casually announced that her snakebite scab came off today. We've had follow-up visits with the plastic surgeon every two weeks since she got bit and every time he just says, "We may have to do a skin graft. Lets wait to see what under that black scab."

You, the blogging community, get a first look, even before he does because she deosn't go back to him until July 1st.

Yeah. I'm thinking a skin graft is in her future. That's quite a chunk.

Sprechen Sie DOH!

2008-06-17T07:50:00.006-05:00

SSB left for a business trip to Germany on Sunday. It was kind of a last minute thing that he didn't find out about until Thursday.

He has the worst luck when he travels, but this trip takes the strudel.

I thought it was bad enough that he had to leave on Father's Day but apparently the powers that be disagreed. That was NOT enough.

As everyone was boarding the flight out of DFW, the guy in front of him was strapping in a car seat for his kid and found a big, long screwdriver down in the plane seat. Even though the captain said they knew one had been unaccounted for earlier, everyone had to be evacuated while they searched the plane for more in case it was a stashed terrorist weapon. I think if there were any terrorists they'd probably just stick their contraband screwdrivers back in their pockets then bring them back on board again. But maybe terrorists are dumb like that and would just leave them to be found. I don't know.

So his flight was late getting to London but he still made his connection on time. Or would have if it had not been canceled due to the fact that George Bush was finishing his European trip and Air Force One was at Heathrow. Apparently when Air Force One is there they restrict the number of other flights in and out and SSB's flight to Munich was one that got deep sixed. Why doesn't Air Force One use a military airfield? Do our commercial airports restrict the number of flights when a foreign head of state is over here? More things I don't know.

All of the other flights to Munich ran that day but not SSB's and they couldn't get him on the next one. Or the next one. But he did get on the last one. Six hours later than he should have been. This got him in to Munich after 11 p.m. their time on Monday night. As he got off the plane and walked through the airport he heard his name being called overhead. He went to where they paged him to and was told they lost his bags. Not just all of his clothes, his great big equipment case that he had to bring there which held his REASON to be there in the first place. Plus it had his phone charger and laptop power supply cords in it. He carried on THREE laptops but couldn't fit all the accessories into the bag. Don't ask me why he needed three laptops or what the equipment was that was in the case or even what his job is. These are still more things I don't know.

He filled out the paperwork for his bags then headed to the car rental booth because Munich isn't even where he was going. He had to drive an hour south to a little town close to the Austrian border. This story wouldn't be complete though if the obvious hadn't happened. They gave away his car because he wasn't there when he said he'd be and they, of course, had no more so he went from place to place until he found one. Finally.

I think I should point out that it was about 1 a.m. Tuesday by this time and he had been up since about 9 a.m. SUNDAY morning. Granted, he lost 7 hours flying over the ocean, but that is still 33 hours without sleep. Oh, wait. He did sleep an hour on the plane. My bad. I don't think anyone should drive a vehicle when they've been up for 33 hours. ESPECIALLY ON THE AUTOBAHN. I was a nervous wreck sitting here thinking about him out there. While he was still flying, I sent him a text that maybe he should just stay at a hotel near the airport for the night and drive the next morning. And I checked the train schedules but the last one left at 11 and there wasn't another until 4 the next morning. I never got to argue my point with him though because I didn't get to talk to him until he was already on the road. Driving. On the autobahn. On no sleep. Talking on the phone.

To his credit he didn't call me, I called him and he just answered. I called because I didn't know the extent of his woes yet and had figured out that he should already be in Garmisch long ago. When he answered I said, "Yay! You're not dead!" He said he almost was though. Huh? SSB has many wonderful qualities and talents, but his sense of direction is not one of them. I used to think he was just kidding or faking it for some reason, but no. He is just really, really bad at going the right way. It could cost us the Amazing Race if we ever get on it. He lived in Tulsa for 20 years and still went the wrong way to places he had been to dozens of times (if not more). Anyway. He was on the autobahn and then thought he was going the wrong way so he turned around. Then he thought, no he HAD been going the right way and was now going the wrong way. He stopped and asked someone and got on the autobahn going the wrong direction. Not the wrong direction like north instead of south. Against the flow of traffic wrong direction. Think "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" at 120 miles an hour in the middle of the night. Oh, and there are no streetlights on the autobahn even in town. I don't know why.

Is anyone tired of this story yet? If you are, go on to the next blog cuz there's more.

While on the phone with him I was trying to figure out where he was on Google maps because he still wasn't sure he was going the right direction. There are lots of signs and he said you'd think it would be helpful, but there were too many to read and cars were going too fast and there were no lights. So I was trying to find out where he was on my map when he suddenly yells a bad word and throws the phone down. I'm panicked but don't hear any sounds of squealing tires or crashing metal, just a lot of bumps and thuds. After what seemed like an eternity he picked the phone back up. The exit for the road he had to take had suddenly come upon him on the right and he was way over in the left lane. He changed lanes and pulled over to the right, after the exit, then just went over the curb to go back.

He finally got to Garmisch at about 3 a.m. The place he is at is a "U.S. Department of Defense-owned luxury hotel in the Bavarian Alps." This means it is like a military base in that it has a guarded gate. And he was not on The List to get in. And he had to be up in 4 hours for the first meeting. So he opted to sleep in his car. But in an unexpected stroke of luck, the guard made another call and got him in. He said SSB still wasn't on the list but That Guy signed for him. SSB didn't know who That Guy was but didn't care at that point. He got a room and intended to get 4 hours of sweet, sweet slumber but as it turns out his car would have been the better choice. A previous occupant had been sucking on the cancer sticks triggering an asthma attack in my poor, weary traveler and his inhaler was lost somewhere between London and Munich. He gave up trying to sleep at about 5:30.

Things did get better the next day. He got his bags and some sleep and it is very, very pretty there. And clean. But he kinda hates it cuz it makes him want to quit everything and just live there in a picture perfect world and he can't. Yet.

A Little Bit Drrty

2008-06-14T15:59:00.004-05:00

I got an email from ESPN today that has me very excited and stuck to my computer all day.

Its Fantasy Football time!! Woot!

I am going to get SOLID commitments from everyone this year in advance. Last year all the kids wanted to be involved but when every weekend it was ME who was managing their teams. Well, no more. This year I don't care if someone hasn't checked if any of their players are injured or have a bye that week. Too bad for them and better for me!

ArtistMommy's little girl can't pronounce my name and although she is getting better at it every day, she used to call me "Dirty". She'd put a lot of R into it so it would sound like Drrrrrrty. So now my team name is the Drrty Coyotes. Fierce!!

I can't wait until our draft even though it was a little long last year and the kids got bored and restless. I'm going to have to come up with fun things for them to do when its not their turn to pick. I am thinking of having everyone choose their logo early this year so we can make a shirt and wear it that night. Its going to be so fun!!

FD 2006

2008-06-14T10:02:00.003-05:00

Last night ArtistMommy was looking at a collage Bugaboo did two years ago for Fathers Day so I decided to blog it since it is that time of year again.

Each kid made a list of their favorite things about SSB and then Bugaboo got pictures off the internet to represent them and glued it all together with the title "Why I'm Glad You're My Dad". Here are their lists:

Bugaboo:
You walk around the house like a model. (He does. He's always practicing for the catwalk.)
You know why tires don't pop - or at least from heat.
You let me watch Guns N Roses all night on my birthday.
You always buy me silly boxers.
You play Faith No More really loud in the car.
You always stop at 7 Eleven.
You try to get me to go running even though I won't go.
You say stuff like "edumacated".
You make fun of us.
You took me and my friends to the My Chemical Romance concert and actually had a good time.
You wear weird Sketcher shoes.

Taz:
I look up to you.
You play so many games with us.
You're so funny.
The family wouldn't be complete without you.
You're there for us all.

PootiePie:
You're very smart.
You're awesome with computers and technology.
You have a great smile and your teeth are nice and shiny and clean. (He really does have a great smile. A thundering smile.)
You love us and keep us safe.
You're awesome at chess.
You play with us a lot.
You makes us a lot of money.
You're a very cool dad.

Snickety:
You are so nice.
You spend money on us.
You share with me.
You always help me.
Your smile is awesome.
Your smile gets better and better every day. (He had Invisalign braces at the time to move one tooth.)
When I'm gone I think about you.

BeeMan:
You play Mechassault 2 with me.
You have big muscles.
You have pretty hair. (I have to agree. Pretty hair and a great smile. I'm so jealous, but if I can't have it, at least I'm married to it!)
You taked me to Best Buy to get a computer game.
You make me laugh.

Bunny wasn't born yet, but I made one for her.
You're giving me the perfect name. (I let him name her and wasn't even told what it would be until the day after she was born. I don't think he really knew until then either.)
You're buying me lots of great stuff for when I arrive.
You give me and Mommy lots of room in bed. I drive her crazy at night!
I love listening to your voice. I makes me feel all snuggy.
You make Mommy so happy and take such good care of her and that makes me happy and cared for too.

He's the best dad and they did a great job of letting him know that. I'm always trying to figure out new things to do for him every year, but I don't think we'll top that one any time soon.

Right-Handed Destruction

2008-06-06T19:52:00.000-05:00

Bunny knows how to use scissors!!!!

Unfortunately she debuted her talent on one of my very favorite outfits ever!! It is a hand-me-down from ArtistMommy's girls and its the cutest thing ever. I was upset the other day when she got chocolate Rice Dream all over it and I was out of Zout. I used some all-purpose Resolve but it didn't quite do the trick. I had it set aside this morning to soak it in Oxiclean but she found it and started to dress herself in it. Granted, she had both of her legs stuffed down the neck hole while the actual bottoms were cast aside, but she was proud and so was I.

I will keep this outfit secured in a Space Bag and tucked into my hope chest as memorabilia so it will live on, but I wanted her to wear it more. Like, all summer.

(OMG. This post totally seems whored-out with all the product names thrown in there, doesn't it?)

Bandicoot

2008-06-06T18:35:00.005-05:00

About a month ago I had the Novasure endometrial ablation done and I went for a follow up visit with my OB/GYN the other day. Unbeknownst to me there were stitches IN THERE that she took out during the visit. *Shudder* I didn't really feel anything but driving home after had me squirming in my seat the whole way.

It was Pootie's birthday and Bugaboo was going to get her a pair of shoes. I had picked them up earlier that day but forgot to mention it to Bugaboo so I called her to catch her before she went to get them. She answered the phone all out of breath and said, "We just got here. I'll call you right back." I started to ask "Who got where?" since she was grounded but she just repeated that she'd call me back and hung up.

Now I squirmed even more.

And waited. And waited and waited.

Finally she called back and said, "We're on Parkview." What does that mean? I said, "WHO is?"

B: "Me and the other girl."

Me: "What other girl? What are you talking about?"

B: "The girl that hit me!"

Me: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? I called about SHOES!"

B: "Oh. Well. I was on my home after school and someone in front of me stopped really fast and so I stopped really fast and the girl behind me didn't."

OMG. She has had her license for less than 4 months. The day she got her permit last summer, as we were going home from getting it, she was hit by a car also. Sideswiped by a guy coming out of a parking lot 2 lanes over. that first one definitely wasn't her fault and technically getting rear-ended is always the other person's fault, but there are things a more experienced driver may have done to avoid both situations. I can't bear the thought of teaching 5 more kids to drive and worrying every time they get behind the wheel.

One Delta Ten Tango

2008-06-04T10:50:00.001-05:00

After one snakebite hospitalization, three Memorial Day parties, a visit from my parents, one never-ending dentist appointment, one Kindergarten celebration, a carb-filled Volunteer Appreciation luncheon at the school and a painfully long middle school choir concert that made the dentist seem like going to a spa, SSB and I farmed everyone out and hid at a hotel last Friday and Saturday night. It was bliss. Since everyone was gone (well, except Dupree) we could have stayed home, but home has laundry to be done and a lawn to be mowed and a fence to be built. The hotel was the better choice.

We slept in, ordered room service, went to the Galleria in Dallas, slept some more, ordered room service again and watched TV on Saturday. Sunday we slept in again but we weren't hungry so we skipped room service and just finished the Bacardi from the night before. Wow. Big mistake. We are not cut out to be rock stars and have 151 for breakfast. We called for a late check out and then fell back asleep. When we woke up it was almost 2 and the kids were probably going to beat us home, if they weren't already there. Shitballs! We threw all of our junk together and started stuffing it into our bags running around like we were late for a gig.

All the way home I kept thinking of things I thought I forgot. "Did you get my makeup?" Yes, he did. "What about my phone charger?" Yes. Everything I thought I had forgotten he had packed.

It didn't occur to me until TUESDAY that I didn't know where my wedding rings were. I think I have a pinched nerve in my elbow because my pinkie and ring finger are constantly numb and tingly and sometimes hurt and having my ring on makes it worse so I didn't even think about not having it on Monday. Doy! I had to take Pootie back to the plastic surgeon and toxicologist in Dallas for a follow up so I had SSB tearing the house apart. I couldn't even let myself think they had been left at the hotel. He'd call just to tell me he HADN'T found them. I didn't want that kind of update. He was going to make me cry and crash and burn in the HOV lane if he called one more time without finding them.

Luckily, for Pootie and I and all I-35E travelers that morning, he found them. At the hotel. They hadn't even stolen them!!!! I was very surprised and thrilled. I almost hugged the lady when I went to pick them up later. I'm so glad I was an idiot at a nice hotel instead of a not-so-nice one. I would still be crying today.

Here's to you, Marriott Las Colinas!

Once Bitten Twice Shy, Babe

2008-05-27T14:09:00.008-05:00

Last Wednesday at about 8:30 p.m. AristMommy, Bugaboo and I were sitting in the front yard watching the kids play when all of a sudden we heard Pootie Pie scream and start then yelling. “Get me out of here! Get me out!” ArtistMommy jumped up and started running then Bugaboo sprinted past her. I grabbed Bunny and waited, a bit bewildered. Was this really something that warranted all this? ArtistMommy and her husband (where did he come from?) were guiding a hysterical Pootie to the house. She was crying and repeated, “A snake! A snake bit me! In the sewer! A snake!” BeeMan fell off of the skateboard and it shot down the street and into the storm drain along the curb. Pootie shimmied down in there like she had done dozens of times before to retrieve it.

We brought her to the faucet to rinse her left hand and look for bite marks. After rinsing the blood we only saw one mark on her ring finger but then a second pinprick point of blood came up so we knew it had been fangs. I had no idea what to do. How do you know if it was a venomous snake or not? What do I do? I didn’t have to think; ArtistMommy did it for me and told me to take her in. I squeezed her wrist really hard. Isn’t that what cowboys do to keep the venom from going up into their heart? Then they slice it open and suck the poison out (don’t forget to spit then, not swallow). She screamed, “Mommy it hurts!” I said I know. She said, “No! You’re squeezing me too tight!” Oh, sorry.

On the way to E-Care about a mile away Pootie started crying and asking if she was going to die. “Mommy, just tell me the truth!” I told her no because we were on the way to get help. She wasn’t lying out in the desert somewhere all alone without medical attention. She calmed down a little, but the pain kept her very upset.

After E-Care took Pootie’s vitals, which were fine and normal and our insurance info and credit card, someone came in and said they weren’t equipped to handle snake bites so they were calling an ambulance to take her to a hospital ER.

The ambulance came for her at about 9:15 and I followed in the car and was standing outside of it as they unloaded her. Inside the ER they were waiting for her and put us in a room. They took her vitals and our insurance and credit card information and then told us they aren’t equipped to handle snake bites. What? I was upset but didn’t really have it in me to throw any kind of fit. What would that get me anyway? If they don’t have anti-venin, they don’t have it. I think the ambulance service should know who has it and who doesn’t though and not waste anyone’s time like that.

By now Pootie’s finger was black and her hand was swollen like a club. Her wrist was blowing up too and it hurt all the way up into her armpit. They gave her some morphine and some Zofran (anti-nausea) at 9:40 while we waited for the next ambulance to come from Children’s Medical Center of Dallas about 30 miles away. They got there at about 10:15 p.m. and I assured her I’d be at the hospital as soon as possible and went home to pick up a bag Bugaboo and Dupree had very thoughtfully packed for us. Even if I had gone straight there I wouldn’t have been able to keep up because they took off with lights and sirens.

See that peace sign she drew on her fingernail? I think it served as a target. I keep telling all of them to stop writing on themselves. Maybe they'll listen now. (Ha.)

Later I talked to the ambulance driver, and I think she got to Children’s at about 10:45 but I didn’t get there until 11:35. He also told me she would have been air lifted but the helicopter was down for annual maintenance that night. Dang it. That would have been awesome.

A nurse came in and updated me. It takes one hour for the anti-venin CroFab to be ready once the pharmacy mixes it up and she was due to have it at about 12:15. They would give her 6 vials of an initial dose and then 2 more vials every 6 hours as a maintenance. Up to 6 extra vials could be given after the initial 6 if that didn’t seem to stop the symptoms. She had gotten another dose of morphine and Zofran but was still in a lot of pain. It hadn’t helped even a little. Plus now she had been vomiting. One doctor said it was from the morphine but another said it was from the venom. Whatever. She finally got some Vicodin and that helped ease the pain a little, although throughout this whole ordeal she was never pain-free and she has a very high pain tolerance. When she was in first grade she broke both the bones in her forearm and never cried.

They said they were going to admit her. One resident, with a meaningful look, told me they were going to send her to ICU because she was real sick. But another jumped in and said they didn’t have any other beds to send her to anyway. I didn’t know who was more right but it scared me. The pain and swelling hadn’t stopped and was going further and further up her arm. It was a very uncomfortable night in a very hard chair next to her bed with neither one of us getting much sleep. It seemed like she was some kind of celebrity because residents, medical students, paramedics and nurses that had nothing to do with her care kept coming in to ask if they could look at her hand because they had never seen a snake bite before. Plus they were pumping her full of IV fluids and the only bathroom was down the hall. She had to pee every couple hours and it was a big ordeal with a useless hand with a rotten finger.

At 6 a.m. Thursday the swelling and pain stopped progressing up her arm at about her bicep area, this was after 12 vials of CroFab. We were moved into the ER Annex, a kind of a holding area while waiting for a regular room upstairs to open up.

Bugaboo and Dupree showed up around 10 a.m. and Pootie’s eyes lit up when she saw her sister. She perked up and seemed OK for the first time. It was very good to see.

They finally moved us to a regular room upstairs at about 2 p.m. She had been seen by so many doctors, residents and medical students I couldn’t keep them all straight.

SSB flew home early and got to the hospital about at about 5 p.m. with Snickety and Taz. BeeMan had fallen asleep after school so Dupree stayed with him. Taz was very attentive and tried to help her in any way possible. That night my cousin called. I hadn’t spoken to him since I saw him at a family reunion a few years ago so it was very sweet of him to call and check on us. Pootie wondered why he called and why everyone was being so nice and concerned and calling. I told her because she could have died and she started to cry. “I didn’t know I could have died! You told me I wasn’t going to die!” Yes I did and she didn’t die did she? So then she asked “Well I didn’t die so why are people still so interested?” I told her because a lot of things still could have happened, like she could have lost her finger or several other things but none of that was going to happen now because she was getting better. She just cried more. “I didn’t know that!” Well. It’s good she didn’t know that then.

After being seen by a couple specialists they all decided we could go home Friday afternoon after she got a tetanus shot. She ended up getting somewhere between 24 and 30 doses of CroFab. The information sheet that was in the room said it costs the hospital $900 per vial. I wonder how much they charge the patient/insurance company???

We don’t know yet if there will be any damage or scarring. We have follow up appointments next week.

Lesson #1 – Stay out of the sewer and drains.

Lesson #2 - If any of the other kids get bit by a snake I will not waste my time with E-Care, local hospitals or even 911. I will just drive straight to Dallas and save myself a few hours.

Nothing Compares to A Quiet Evening Alone

2008-05-21T16:45:00.001-05:00

Wow. Two posts in one day. After such a dry spell its no wonder.

I have to take a vacation from my computer. Especially the internet. Every once in a while I get obsessed with something or someone and I just have to step back and let reality back in.

This week I am crushing on the bassist for Fall Out Boy. I know, so are a lot of girls. But I'm not actually a GIRL anymore so its kinda gross. I'm like 12 years older than he is. And most of THEM have had their crushes for a few years now, starting when FOB first became mainstream. So not only am I old, I am also very behind the times (read: uncool).

Its not like I didn't know about him until now. After all I have Bugaboo to keep me abreast of all things new and hip, whether I want to or not. I mean, I sang "I'll be your number one with a bullet!" at the top of my lungs with the best of them a few years ago. And I always took note of him back then because he has the same monkey face that SSB has. That sounds mean, but I mean it in the nicest way possible. I love their faces.

I suppose he has jumped into my consciousness, and other places, because he's all over the place right now because of getting married to Jessica Simpson's little sister Ashlee this past weekend. And that little spark grew into wildfire and I watched a bunch of videos. That was my downfall. I never should have done that. I can't get the image of him licking his bass out of my mind. OK. Maybe its because I took a screen shot of it and played with it a little. Like this:Ooooooh. Three Peteys.

I stopped myself from watching everything possible, for my own sanity and because its creepy, but here are two videos that he does it in. *Sigh* That Ashlee is a lucky, lucky girl and I really hope they are very happy.

Dance, Dance

This next one is a remake of MJ's "Beat It" (with a bonus appearance by Dr. Turk! Woo!)

Yeah. I've noticed Pete dreams a lot in videos. And real life. And writes about it. So if anyone wants to get me his book for my birthday I'm sure I will still appreciate it by the time September rolls around. Unless I have another embarrassing-to-my-children crush by then.

Like Icky Sticky Sands Through the Hourglass

2008-05-21T14:54:00.008-05:00

The inmates were running the asylum last night as SSB is out of town this week. Again. No one did anything particularly unusual or worse than they ever do, but it was all the little things piling up on me one grain of sand at a time.

Beeman threw a screaming fit about dinner as usual and chose to sleep instead of eat as usual. Snickety chose to go outside and play instead of do his chores as usual meaning when bedtime rolled around he didn't have his stuff done.

Taz tormented me with his constant barrage of pleas to play Xbox, his one and only true love. Pootie Pie obsessed over getting a guinea pig even though her gerbil is not yet dead, much to her disgust.

Bunny screamed NO at everyone and tried to slam the door in their face whenever they wanted to come in the house. She stood there like a London guard, very committed but much less stoic.

My saving grace, Bugaboo, was at work like always and they talked her into staying late like always so I had check up on her and see why she wasn't home an hour after she should have been.

And throughout the night one spot on the floor kept getting wet and sticky. Pootie wiped it up. I wiped it up. I mopped it. I hate dirty sticky floors, especially unworldly, reoccurring sticky floors that mysteriously regenerate themselves. I kept looking for Slimer to come swooping down at me.

Today, after mopping a few more times and still stepping on a sticky mess, I found the source: one of Bunny's abandoned juice boxes in the pantry. That is her juice box graveyard, like the drawer under the oven is her hot dog graveyard.

After a long afternoon and evening of struggle I headed to my lonely bed only to be welcomed by a pile of sand on the bedspread. Bunny loves her sandbox and has sand in all her cracks and crevices after playing. Her changing table is gritty with it from it falling out of her diaper, but this was more sand than would be in a diaper. It was my turn to throw a fit and Pootie grabbed a hand held vacuum and sprayed it around the room for me. I tried to get them all to confess to no avail. I gave up and read them a story and tried to go to bed again. This time there was an even bigger pile UNDER the covers. I am pretty sure someone did it on purpose. Someone who thinks the term/name Sandy Cheeks is funny. Now I just have to figure out who so I can dole out the appropriate torture.

Duped!

2008-04-27T15:29:00.003-05:00

Bugaboo came home with a big smile on her face last week. She was very excited that Coach had volunteered the JV swim team to teach the special needs kids how to swim. A few weeks ago she got her Red Cross CPR certification and went through lifeguard class and since then her dream has been to teach swimming lessons. And she has a history with the special needs girls at her school.

OK. Maybe the special needs girls reach out to anyone that passes by, but I kind of don't think so. She is always very nice to them and has always smiled at them in the halls and tried to make them feel "normal" and so this year they have frequently stopped her to talk. They tell her secrets, like how this one is getting married (tee hee!) and how that one's brother died and various events in their lives. She doesn't know how much is real and how much isn't but she acts like it all is and gives them the appropriate response.

"Oh, congratulations! When's the big day?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. You must be very sad."

They love her.

Each team member got assigned to one person. We'll call Bugaboo's girl Ingrid. Day after day Bugaboo worked with Ingrid on the basics to get her comfortable in the water and learn the movements that will help her swim.

"OK, Ingrid! Do the alligator crawl!" That got her arms moving.

"OK, Ingrid! Great! Blow your dandelions!" Breathing.

"Kick, Ingrid, kick! You're doing great!"

Ingrid did NOT, however, ever want to jump off the edge. Bug didn't push her, just tried to encourage her.

Friday they were in the pool and Bugaboo was cheerleading and encouraging her little heart out. Ingrid was doing awesome. She was very proud of her little protege and very proud of herself because this was so easy for her! Ingrid was actually swimming and it was all because of Bugaboo. What an accomplishment! Was there some way she could make a career out of this? Everyone is always trying to impart the life lesson that says to do what you love. She LOVED this and she was obviously a pro at it.

Unfortunately another life lesson is that if things seem too good to be true, they probably are. After lessons Coach pulled her aside and told her that Ingrid's mom had called.

Ingrid already knows how to swim.

A Man of Action

2008-04-25T13:13:00.004-05:00

Snick is very excited for this weekend. Yes, we are going to a birthday party this afternoon, but that's not what has his spirits soaring. This Sunday night he and SSB are going to a World Vision banquet and he can't wait.

Three Christmases ago when Snick was 6 we somehow ended up watching one of those help-save-the-fly-covered-kid specials one night. You know the ones. The ones that most people flee the room from or turn the channel to anything, even PBS or the Womens channel, to avoid. Not us. Not this time. I thought since it was Christmas it would give the kids a chance to think about giving instead of getting. Change their focus a little. We sat and watched and it was very heart-wrenching

There were some very sad stories about kids who lost their parents to AIDS and had to work to survive. In one story about a brother and sister the grandparents died, then the dad, then a brother and then the mom got sick. The two kids worked enough to send her to a hospital, but she died there. The hospital only sent back her clothes so that is what they buried and went visit her grave. Ugh! But through story after story about orphans and hunger and death, the kids sat in stony silence. No one moved or commented. A few tears may have slid down some cheeks but they were quickly wiped away.

Snick seemed the most unimpressed. He watched and took it all in but kept a very blank look on his face. This wasn't, and still isn't, unusual. We're used to this look. I thought I'd give him a break, he WAS only in first grade and its not like he could really save anyone with his $1.50 a week allowance anyway.

About half-way through he asked if he could write down the toll free number that was at the bottom of the screen. I said yes and got him some paper. He already had it mostly memorized and wrote it down without much looking. Then he wrote down the website also.

We watched a couple more stories and then he asked for more paper to write a letter. In big, 6-year-old scrawl that took up the whole paper he wrote: "Your life must suck. No mom. No dad. Only a gramma or grampa. Watching you makes Snickety sad. From Snickety. To: (blank)" Then he drew a big heart.

He got an envelope out of the desk drawer and put his letter in it and then got all of his dollars out of his piggy bank and put that in too. On the TV they said it only costs a dollar a day to sponsor a child so he figured out that since he had $31 saved up he could help someone for a whole month. He sealed it up and wrote our address in the corner.

SSB came home at about that time and watched with us and saw what Snick was doing. He praised him for his big heart and then tried to explain to him that we would probably have to send a check. Snick had no idea what a check even was, and as SSB was explaining the banking system to him he just went over and started dialing the phone and called World Vision. Enough stalling. While we all sat there feeling sad and sorry or trying to be practical, he was the only one that actually did anything about it. SSB took the phone to talk to them for him. Snick then became the proud sponsor of Foday, a 7-year-old boy in Sierra Leone.

If it had been me that called World Vision, the thing that I don't think I could even fake is how humble he was about it. As we all sat in amazement at his generosity and caring he just went on upstairs to watch cartoons. It was no big deal to him. To him it was just something needed to be done.

Now he gets letters every month, not from the kid, but from the organization. There is always a calamity that needs to be taken care of. I have started keeping them from him because he wants to send extra money all the time. He got hold of one last summer though. This one was orange and had "CHILD KILLER" across it with a picture of a mosquito. A child dies every 30 seconds from malaria. Well. Snick couldn't let that happen. He read the whole thing from front to back, top to bottom then decided he was going to send some of his own money for malaria medicine. He marked the $30 donation box. SSB tried to talk him down to $10 because it would his own money, not our credit card like the automatic monthly donation. They went back and forth, discussing and disagreeing and somehow in the end he convinced his dad to let him give $50, not $30. Don't ask me how it happened, I wasn't there. But I sure wish I had a tape recording of THAT conversation.

I am curious to see what happens Sunday night. I told SSB to NOT take the checkbook and credit cards with him but I'm afraid if he does that the only alternative Snick will give him is to bring an actual child home instead.

All Thumbs

2008-04-15T14:19:00.006-05:00

Snickety is one of the sweetest kids anyone will ever meet. When he was 6 one night I noticed that my hands smelled like garlic. I hadn’t made anything for dinner that had any garlic in it so it was a mystery. I washed them and slathered on some VERY smelly lilac lotion. Everyone was almost gagging because I smelled of lilac so much.

But after an hour or two it wore off, at least on my thumb. My thumb again smelled of garlic. Or battery acid. Or rat poison. I had received differing opinions when I asked each person what they thought it smelled like. Right before bed I asked Snick what he thought. He said he thought it stunk, but didn’t know what of. I let it go at that and he went and brushed his teeth and put on his pajamas. later he came out and gave me a hug and kiss goodnight and said, "If I had a four-leaf clover, I would wish that your thumb would never smell like that again." How sweet and selfless!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Pootiepie was, and still pretty much is, a tomboy. When she was about 2 she wouldn't wear anything but jeans. Then it progressed to no girl shirts or shoes or anything at all girly. Everything had to come from the boys' department and even then it had to be JUST RIGHT. At the end of Kindergarten I even relented and let her get her hair cut BOY SHORT, like with a mountain top in front. She loved it.

About a month before she turned 4 I was sitting in the glider rocker and she came and sat on the stool in front of me. She was very serious about something. Her eyes were as big as the moon. She looked straight at me and asked, "Do you want to know how to be a man?"

"Sure," I said.

"OK" she instructed. "Do this." Then she stuck her thumb in her mouth, pulled it out with a POP! and wiped it across her forehead making a cowlick in her hair. I copied her.

"Do this" she said again and the thumb went back in her mouth, out with a pop, and wiped it down her shin.

We did the same thing to the other leg. I was a little freaked out because she wasn't giggling or being silly or anything. She meant business. Where had she learned such a ritual?

"OK. Now do this" she said as the thumb went in her mouth. It came out with a pop and she made a squinched-up icky face.

When I followed her lead and did the same she said, "Does yours taste yucky too?"

I'm guessing she wiped a bunch of dirt off her legs with that thumb then tasted it. Ew. I said no.

This went on a few more times wiping our wet thumbs across our foreheads again (but NOT in our hair!) across one cheek and then the other. Then she just sat there and stared at me.

Finally she said, "There. You're done" and left.

She was so intense and serious I was just a tiny bit afraid to check my drawers. I never figured out how this all came about in her little head or if she really believed it or not. I'm glad it didn't work on either one of us, but she may still be a bit disappointed. Especially now that she has to shave her legs.

2008-04-03T17:28:00.005-05:00

Yesterday started out pretty great. My heart was tickled or warmed by four, really FOUR, things all in one day. I'm thrilled when just one good thing happens every few days.

1. I received an Oh Shitballs award from Kadi at Seven Seeds. Thank you very much. She is going to have the whole world using that phrase!
2. Artist Mommy said some very nice things about me in her blog that made me smile. You just cannot imagine how happy I am that she moved in to our neighborhood.
3. My sister blogged about a random act of kindness she got to spontaneously perform. How sweet of her.
4. My brother got a business call (he's a mover) from an older-sounding woman who wanted to know how much he charges. He gave her the prices and said there is a two-hour minimum. She said she just needs someone to lift a TV onto a TV stand. Awww. He felt bad. She doesn't even have a neighbor or friend that can lift it? She has to hire someone? She is supposed to call back to let him know when she wants him to do it and he said he's just going to do it for free. Another sweetie. :)

But all those nice things weren't enough to save the day because we lost SSB's dad yesterday afternoon. Although it wasn't a complete surprise, it was unexpected at this time. He had a lung transplant last year and had never really gotten well. He was in the hospital for weakness but we all thought he'd get better again like he always has. He was a really nice man who is much loved and very missed.

Goodbye Grandpa.

Does a Bear Poop in the Woods?

2008-03-27T10:32:00.006-05:00

Yesterday while driving Pootie to track practice at 6:45 a.m. she was unusually talkative. Almost manic. She does this when she is feeling guilty or upset. Most of her ranting was about a fort out in the "woods" next to our house. (The kids call it the forest but its just a strip of trees between our neighborhood and the private property next to us.) She and Taz had gone out to their friend's fort with him and were having a good time until Taz decided to take a leak right then and there.

Now. I know males of all ages pee outside from time to time. They can, so they do. And they love it. In fact, just a couple weeks ago I walked out the front door and saw BeeMan hydrating the rock wall between our house and the neighbors' and laughing his little head off. Its kinda gross but I don't really care that he did it, just that he did it in the front yard next to the driveway. You know, where the street is and all the people in cars passing by.

I can easily forgive a just-turned-six-year-old for doing it once in the front yard and I could probably forgive a 13 year old for doing it in woods if he had the sense to move away from his sister and friend and keep his junk hidden. But as it was, Pootie caught an eyeful and seemed a little unsettled by it, as evidenced by the constant blabbering.

"Look at that sign" she said in the car. "It looks like an optical illusion. Back there it looked like it was curving back, but now up here it looks like its curving toward us. I don't even know why I looked."

"At the street sign?"

"No. Last night. At IT. I thought he was squirting a water bottle and I looked up."

When Taz got home I told him to come home when he has to pee. Its NOT far. His answer, which I could have said along with him for I knew what was coming, was "But I had to go really bad." I told him to go before he leaves the house then and left it at that.

Less than three hours later Taz and Pootie were back at the fort and this time they had Snick with them. This was a thorn in my side anyway because they hadn't finished their chores and getting their stuff done on time has been an ongoing battle so I met them on the sidewalk with all kinds of admonishments. To my surprise I didn't get much resistance. I should have known something was up. I should have recognized their relief at being in trouble for leaving and not for anything they did while gone. But I didn't.

I was only caught up to speed later at bedtime by a, once again, prattling Pootie Pie. Just out of the blue she blurts out, "We had to go poop really bad in the woods."

"WHAT?? You went POOP in the WOODS??"

"Yeah. I had to go really bad."

"How did you wipe your butt?"

"I didn't. But I took a shower."

Can you picture me at this point? Try.

Actually I had a pretty exhausting day because of Bunny's constant whining and use of the word no and so by the time I learned this bit of news I was done for. I just sat. Sat and stared. No yelling. No flailing about. Pootie isn't used to this apparently, so just kept blabbing.

"Well. At least I didn't use my undershirt to wipe and then just leave it there like Snickety did!"

"He pooped in the woods too?"

"Yeah."

Ah. That's where the "we" came from. Of course.

Now I am just a deflated blob. A mommy puddle. So she didn't stop there. She had one more thing to add as I melted away.

"And Taz thought he'd get in a whole lot of trouble 'cuz he peed again. But he had to go really bad!"

Not Enough Hands to Scratch It All

2008-03-08T10:17:00.006-06:00

Have you ever woken up in the morning or from a really good nap and gone about your usual business and then really weird things started to happen? Really bizarre things like a flock of of crows flying through your house or your kids turning into the cast of "Friends" before your eyes and you realize, "Oh. I didn't really get up yet. I'm still asleep." That's freaky but when it keeps happening over and over and you end up screaming at yourself "Just get up! Move your feet. Move something!! Please wake up!" then that's when it gets a little too weird.

Well anyway. That kinda happened to me this morning except opposite. I really was awake and sitting up but I couldn't open my eyes. Like at all. Either one of them. I have pink eye, compliments of Bunny and it sucks.

As if that's not bad enough, I also have poison ivy on my arm AND a yeast infection. I was going to post of picture of the poison ivy too but then my OCD would kick in and I'd feel obligated to post one of the yeast infection and my arms aren't long enough to take a picture like that. It would be like trying to shoot yourself in the head with a rifle. You have to pull the trigger with your toe.

I am one big mass of grossness and BeeMan is having his birthday party at Chuck E Cheeses today. Although my disdain for that place runs deep, not even I would stoop so low and do this to myself on purpose to get out of going. I actually feel bad about it. If it were outside somewhere I'd just keep sunglasses on the whole time. Texas women wear their sunglasses year-round even if its cloudy. They just love their sunglasses. So I could get away with it I bet. Eh. Who cares. Chuck E's is a veritable cesspool of bacteria anyway. Screw it. I'm goin'!

Goodbye Brett Favre

2008-03-04T21:32:00.005-06:00

Goodbye Brett, here's to you. We will always love you. We are canceling our NFL Sunday Ticket tomorrow.
That's all I got to say 'bout that.

Nocturnalness

2008-02-21T18:00:00.003-06:00

At dinner the other night PootiePie said that BeeMan doesn't want to share a room with her anymore. I asked BeeMan why he wanted to change and he said because of PootiePie's gerbil. He nibbles on everything and rumbles around all night. He has eaten his houses and bowls and anything he can pull into the cage, like BeeMan's underwear. He's a biter and he is not greatly loved. And while not doing anything to promote it, Pootie is patiently awaiting his demise so she can get a guinea pig instead. In the meantime she diligently feeds him and gives him water and buys him new houses and plays with him as much as she can stand to be bitten.

Although she doesn't like him either, Pootie took offense to the extreme of Beeman's disdain. More likely she was offended just by the fact that he wanted to move out away from her more than his reason behind it. If anyone should want to move out it should be her because she really does have the short end of the stick. He hardly ever helps her clean up in there and he snores like a Harley (but he doesn't believe us when we tell him). She said, "It's not like you can't sleep. I go to bed a half hour after you do and you're always asleep. I'M the one who has to put up with the gerbil AND you snoring!!

To which Bee replied, "The gerbil snores?"

An Idea Man

2008-02-17T14:01:00.002-06:00

BeeMan has the BEST ideas. He always knows what presents he wants for Christmas and his birthday. He knows what he wants to buy other people. He knows what kind of party he wants and where and who he wants to invite.

He just never tells us any of this.

His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and we haven't made any plans yet. There are just too many people and too many things to do around here. Well. WE haven't. HE has. In the car after school recently he said he was inviting Calvin to his Chuck E Cheese party.

"Really?" I said. I hadn't heard him utter the words Chuck and Cheese in the same sentence in at least a year. "Did you talk to Dad about a Chuck E Cheese party?"

"No" he said in a slightly annoyed and confused voice. Why talk to Dad about it? It was HIS party. He didn't need DAD'S input.

"We're going to Chuck E Cheeses then coming back to our house to eat Transformer cake."

"Transformer cake?"

"Yeah. They have Transformer cakes at Wal-Mart."

OK. I hope he's right because I can't make a Transformer cake. No matter where we ended up having it or what kind of cake we had, I figured I better find out who else he wanted to invite. It is his first year at school and thus has a plethora of kids to choose from so I asked who else he was inviting.

"Just the rest of my team." I thought he meant the rest of his class. That was a little scary. I really don't want to be in charge of 20 kindergarteners anywhere especially at a place where they encourage a kid to be a kid.

"No. The rest of my TEAM. My racing team." I was beginning to remember him talking about that before. They have races at recess. I asked if his team has a name.

He nodded. "The Red Jumping Jacks."

Ah, yes. The Red Jumping Jacks.

"What about any girls? Are you inviting any girls."

"No."

"Not even Zoe?" She's a new girl that moved to our street and he really likes her. And I really like her mom. She may be my last shot at an actual friend.

"OK. Zoe."

"Well. Not JUST Zoe" I said. "She won't like being the only girl."

"OK. Zoe and Rachel."

Oh oh. "But what about Valerie? You can't invite Rachel and not Valerie." They are twins in his class.

"OK. Valerie too."

Just to give him more options I said, "What about Marybeth?"

"OK."

"And Haley?"

"No."

"Why not? You can't invite Marybeth and not Haley! They're best friends!" And Haley lives right next door. I've already missed or ruined my chance at friendship with HER mom, but it would be a huge breech of etiquette anyway.

It was at this point he flopped back in the seat and gave a huge sigh. Why was I tormenting him like this? He HAD it all planned out. I was ruining it all. I relented and said, "OK. We'll talk about it later."

A couple blocks later I heard him mutter to Snickety, "Well. At least I'm bringing Spiderman cupcakes for the class snack that day."

Its A Grey Matter

2008-02-16T12:59:00.003-06:00

Snick is an unusual child to say the least. They way he thinks and things he says are simultaneously hilarious and frustrating (see this previous post).

Some time ago he gave up giving me daily good news and turned to what I call "Snickety's Grey Matter in Overdrive". Not EVERY day, but very frequently he'll walk up to me and ask a random question.

"Mom. What are your three favorite foods?"

"Mom. If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?"

"Mom. If you had three wishes, what would they be?"

"If you had one wish what would it be, but it has to be something real." To that one I responded, "Oh. So nothing like world peace?" He said, "No, you could wish for world peace. Just not to be able to fly." I think I have a better shot at flying than world peace.

It's like his synapses are firing too quickly and he just has to spurt out these questions. He doesn't care about the answers. Sometimes he doesn't even wait around to hear them.

I'll start blogging his questions from now on to give you all a chance to experience the essence of Snickety. Today's question was pretty good.

"Mom. If you had to write a song about one fact, what would it be?"

I said I'd write a song about how the word for apple in French is "pomme" and the word for potato is "pomme de terre" which literally is "apple of the earth" or "ground apple".

What would your song be about?

Happy VD

2008-02-14T10:36:00.013-06:00

The sweetness of my little Bugaboo is being squandered.

Although I have always felt she was just a little too special for us and we didn't quite deserve to have such a perfect child, I know without a shadow of a doubt that the shining magnificence that is her is utterly wasted on the boy she has.

Until they are about 10, little boys are sweet and thoughtful and loving and considerate and will give their Mommies a Valentine with unabashed enthusiasm. But as the testosterone level rises, the thoughtfulness diminishes. (Usually. There ARE exceptions that prove the rule, such as my SSB!) The women in their lives - moms, sisters, grammas, girlfriends and wives - get fewer and fewer tokens as the years pass. Women are fully aware of this phenomenon but we somehow keep holding on to a thread of hope anyway. Eventually after enough slamming of doors, stomping of feet and glaring of eyes the boy will learn what to do on special occasions, but what he really is learning is that he HATES special occasions. Especially Valentine's Day.

Last night Bugaboo went straight to work right after school then to Wal-Mart to get her boy a Valentine present. She came home just before 9:00 and stayed up late making a homemade card for him. Here it is:

Isn't that cute?

And she bought him a little purple hedgehog holding a heart that says "Kiss Me". It was the most masculine thing she could find. She put it in a bag that she decorated. She really is a very talented artist. Wouldn't you love to get this for Valentines Day?

So every morning they write notes to each other and before school she puts his in his bag while he's swimming and gets hers out. This morning, Valentine's morning, he asked if it was OK if he didn't give her a note because his mom woke him up 10 minutes late and he was rushed. I told her he's probably just playing with her, making her expect nothing when he really has a great Valentine for her. I knew in my heart of hearts that was probably not the case, but I clung tightly to that thread.

Alas, testosterone won out over the ever-present female hope and there was nothing there for her. Oh foolish, foolish boy. Even if he somehow thought he could survive the fury of a woman scorned, that is nothing compared to the fury of the mother of the scorned. The story actually does get worse, but you all are already thinking he doesn't deserve her (and rightly so) and I don't want to be TOO hard on him in public. Not during Lent anyway. But he better lay low for a while and stay away from me. It could be ugly otherwise. Grrr!

Sofine

2008-02-07T16:45:00.000-06:00

(You don't really have to watch this video. I just wanted the music on here to go with the lyrics and I can't attach an audio file. This live version isn't exactly like the album version. I like the album version.)

Bron Y Aur Stomp
Ah caught you smiling at me,
That's the way it should be,
Like a leaf is to a tree, so fine.
Ah all the good times we had,
I sang love songs so glad
Always smiling, never sad, so fine.

As we walk down the country lanes,
I'll be singing a song,
Hear me calling your name.
Hear the wind within the trees,
Telling Mother Nature 'bout you and me.

Well if the sunshines so bright,
Or on our way it's darkest night
The road we choose is always right, so fine.
Ah can any love be so strong
When so many loves go wrong
Will our love go on and on and on and on and on and on?

As we walk down the country lanes,
I'll be singing a song,
Hear me calling your name.
Hear the wind within the trees,
Telling Mother Nature 'bout you and me.

My, my la de la come on now it ain't too far,
Tell your friends all around the world,
Ain't no companion like a blue eyed merle.
Come on now well let me tell you,
What you're missing messing, 'round them brick walls.

So of one thing I am sure,
It's a friendship so pure,
Angels singing all around
My door so fine.

Yeah, ain't but one thing to do
Spend my nat'ral life with you,
You're the finest dog I knew, Sofine.
When you're old and your eyes are dim,
There ain't no old Shep gonna happen again,
We'll still go walking down country lanes,
I'll sing the same old songs,
Hear me call your name.

Local Celebrity

2008-02-06T14:46:00.001-06:00

The results of the District Swimming and Diving championships were published in the local paper on Monday and the accompanying picture was none other than our very own Bugaboo! She's famous! I guess since her times weren't fast enough to print, they just had to include her picture because everyone in town loves her so much! :)

She thinks its an ugly picture, but she was pretty happy about it.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

2008-02-03T14:30:00.000-06:00

Last night, as on most Saturday nights, I forewarned everyone that we were going to shoot for the 10:00 church service. TEN o'clock. We get up and get ready for school HOURS before that during the week so why do we have such trouble on Sunday? Part of it is because we try to get all of our chores done first too and of course we sleep later, but still. Ten. O'clock.

At 8:20 I told everyone we have an hour and a half so step it up. They did. Everyone tried. Everyone did a pretty good job. Not perfect but pretty good. At 9:35 I was the one that wasn't dressed, had wet hair and no make up on. This was partly because every time I'd get more than 15 feet away from Bunny she'd scream "Mommy!" This is not an unusual occurrence. This is typical. However, I mysteriously have not incorporated it into my consciousness and don't allow the extra time necessary for it. I don't know why. I should have by now.

Bugaboo wasn't feeling well and I told her she didn't have to go. It was my fault she was under the weather anyway. We'll leave it at that. Call me if you want details, but really, you don't.

I came out of the bedroom to check on things in general and found Taz with a pullover hoodie on over his button-up church shirt. I told him he should wear a different jacket. I'll spare you the blow by blow of the argument that ensued but in the end he wore his winter coat, zipped up to his chin and the velcro all done up even though it was 65 degrees outside.

BeeMan had on his red Spiderman t-shirt. I told him he couldn't wear that to church so he went to change.

At 10:00 we were still running around trying to get snacks for Bunny and a cup and find her shoes and get ourselves ready too. They give the kids Cheerios in the daycare room and since she can't have them we provide alternate snacks. But even when we do, she sometimes steals stuff from another kid or picks something up from the floor and eats it and has a reaction. But we finally made it out the door a little after 10. The church isn't far away, so we walked in at about a quarter after.

But before we walked in, in the parking lot I was walking behind PootiePie. She messed with her hair as she walked and since she has the skinniest @$$ ever, no hips and legs longer than a race horse, her pants don't ever fit and were falling down. I had already had enough of the trials and tribulations that come with raising 6 kids and getting them ready, and right in the church parking lot I yelled, "Pootie! I can see your crack!!"

Six steps later I noticed Snickety. He usually gets in trouble for wearing a t-shirt to church and in the car I had noticed that he had on a nice, striped polo shirt. What a good boy. What I couldn't see and didn't think to check was his pants. Now at the door of the church I see he has on high-water jeans with a huge hole in the knee and paint splatters all over them. OMG. I said, "I quit. We're never coming here again."

And BeeMan. I look at him. He had changed into his blue Spiderman t-shirt.

Exasperated sigh.

As we walked in, there were no greeters. All the greeters had gone in. Only one lone man stood at the kiosk to sign our tardy kids in to Sunday school. And just my luck it was the director of the children's programs who always remembers us a knows our names. It couldn't be some volunteer. It had to be the boss.

I took Bunny to the nursery an lo an behold, no Kitty Binky. No binky at all. The one thing she can't seem to live without and we left it at home. I said "We're going home. This is a bust." But we didn't. We stayed No one was struck down. No one was smited. But next week I'm making them lay out their clothes and get prior approval the night before. I don't want the church coming to us with donations as part of their outreach program.

Doryboo Grumpy Gils

2008-02-02T11:55:00.000-06:00

Remember this song Dory sings in "Finding Nemo"? (I KNOW my sister and her daughter do!)

Bugaboo had Swim and Dive Districts last night. There were about 8 schools there and only the top 6 swimmers from each event get to go on to Regionals. She did not make it, but we are very proud of her anyway. She was first in her heat for the 200 and 2nd in her heat for the 500.

She is not too disappointed. She didn't really expect to go on. She WAS upset during her 500 though because her lap counters forgot about her so no one was down at the end showing her what lap she was on until about the 5th. It was actually OK because she was neck and neck with the girl next to her and it was early on, but she didn't know if they were going to remember her or not. She had to just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

She kept her chin up throughout the race and was nice to the girl who won, but as soon as she got out of the water she started to melt. Her BF swims for a rival school, which happened to be at this meet too, and he tried to congratulate and talk to her, but even HE got the big blow off. Wow! She MUST have been upset!

I Do NOT Heart American Idol

2008-01-23T19:33:00.000-06:00

I don't like American Idol. I just never have gotten into it. One season Pootie Pie watched it so I rooted for Chris Daughtery along with her, but that is the extent of my Idol experience.

I especially hate the beginning of the season when all the sucky people are on and the judges make fun of them. Some of them SO deserve it, but to some of them this is their future, their hopes, their dreams but its just a game to Simon, Paula and Randy and it makes me sad so I avoid it.

It is still early in the season and tonight SSB is in Vegas, Pootie is at an away basketball game, Bugaboo is at work and EVERYONE ELSE IS IN MY ROOM WATCHING IDOL. I am trapped. Doomed.

Then Amy Flynn, a 16 year old from a Catholic High School in Knoxville came on. She is on the dance team at her school, dancing all provocatively, but preaching abstinence in the midst. (Oh, I see a lot of Bugaboo in her.)

She gave Simon a little speech about waiting for the right person and not having pre-marital sex. Ha ha! They joked about it, but didn't make fun of HER.

She sang a Christina Aguilera song. Wow. That's hard no matter which song it is or who you are. She did well, but Simon was not very nice. He said she reminded him of the annoying girl singing in her bedroom. She frowned and said. "That's a bit much" but she SO took it. She TOOK it. She looked sad but she didn't crumble at all and she held her own, which is enough to be proud of. And for the first time in my life, though, I agreed with Simon Cowell: the song was too big for her. That's not necessarily a bad thing. She just needs to take a different tack, a different kind of song. Christina Aguilera songs are too big for 99% of the population.

But he said YES. And so did Paula. And so did Randy. She made it! I was so happy. I'm as happy as I'd be if she were my kid. She's too sweet and naive for Hollywood, but that's OK. She may never be a pop star, or an American Idol, but I think she has what it takes to make it in life and that's enough to thaw my cold heart a little bit tonight and make me my eyes leak. Besides she was very cute when Paula said yes and TOTALLY reminded me of Bugaboo then!

I just hope her parents don't whore her out now to make her famous.

Grumblings

2008-01-23T09:55:00.000-06:00

Wasn't that a great game on Sunday?? I mean. Until the very end anyway. At least it was exciting, right?

When the Giants missed that field goal right before the end of the regular game sending it into overtime, I think I peed my pants a little. There was much screaming and jumping amongst us. Then we won the coin toss and we were all on Cloud 99. Everyone went back to exactly the same spot we had been lest we jinx the overtime.

Then Classic Brett appeared and all was lost. The warm excitement of just minutes before turned to cold, damp underwear. It was a dreary ride home. Dupree wouldn't even get in the car. He walked home, alone and shivering.

We tried to lift our spirits with a rousing session of Rock Band, to no avail. But here's the thing about Rock Band that I take issue with: all the good songs are the easy ones. In order to earn any fans or money you have to do the harder songs on harder levels and those songs just suck. I don't even want to listen to those songs, let alone sing them.

Another thing I don't like about it is that to stay in tune when singing you have to stay pretty lifeless on those songs. After each phrase they give you a rating, "Messy", "Weak", "OK", "Strong", or "Awesome". If I sing "Enter Sandman" or "War Pigs" or any of the other yucky songs the way I would sing along with them on the radio I am deemed "Messy" or "Weak". I just have to sit there, staring at the screen trying to keep the tone indicator level an steady. BO-ring!

So one night I was singing, SSB was on guitar, Bug was on bass and Pootie, our master drummer in life and on Rock Band, was drumming. I was sitting next to her and as her arms were flailing wildly about to keep up with the "Expert" level she had chosen for herself I noticed she kept sneaking quick peeks at me. My eyes were stuck to my tone indicator and I wasn't paying attention to her but I felt her glares. Finally she yells, "Put some STYLE into it!!" Sheesh. Everyone's a critic. Poor Brett. How he must feel.

Packers stuff

2008-01-19T08:30:00.000-06:00

Get pumped up for the game!!

Legends video

Third-Graders song - so cute!

Wisconsin Gramma will like this one

Bunny Bed

2008-01-18T14:38:00.000-06:00

Bunny is almost 17 months old and yet she still does not sleep though the night. SSB has to get up 2 or 3 times a night to put the binky in her mouth because she won't do it herself (if I get up with her she wants to REALLY get up and play or cuddle - she won't just go right back to sleep like with him). She will sleep soundly through us playing Rock Band at top volume and she will sleep like a rock in our bed. I'm thinking of getting bed rails for our bed and moving her in. I don't know if I want to open that can of worms but getting her out later can't be worse than waking up all night now.

Sing this to the tune of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab"

They tried to make me sleep in my crib, I said no, no, no

Yes, I’ve been bad and when I wake up mad you’ll know, know, know.

I might cry and whine but my Daddy thinks I’m fine

They tried to make me sleep in my crib, I won’t go, go, go

I’d rather curl up and lay

In your bed every day

Cuz there’s nothing, there’s nothing you can teach me

No Ferberizing. Cry It Out? No way!

Didn’t get a lot of sleep?

Well I know it will come if I don’t peep.

They tried to make me sleep in my crib, I said no, no, no

Yes, I’ve been bad and when I wake up mad you’ll know, know, know.

I might cry and whine but my Daddy thinks I’m fine

They tried to make me sleep in my crib, I won’t go, go, go

The man said, “Why are you in here?”

I said, “So my Mommy is near”

I’m just a, I’m just a little baby

So I always keep a bottle near

He said “You’re making me all stressed

Lay down here baby and just rest”

They tried to make me go to my crib I said no, no, no

Yes I’ve been bad and when I wake up mad you’ll know, know, know

I don’t ever want to sleep again

I’ll just close my eyes and pretend

I’m not gonna spend ten weeks

Letting you try the latest parent trend

You think I’m done cryin’?

It’s just till these tears are dry

They tried to make me sleep in my crib, I said no, no, no

Yes, I’ve been bad and when I wake up mad you’ll know, know, know.

I might cry and whine but my Daddy thinks I’m fine

Just try to make me sleep in my crib, I won’t go, go, go

Poetry in Motion

2008-01-14T11:43:00.000-06:00

Pix of swimmer boys. Nice.

Also here is a link to video of the meet. http://www.flocasts.org/floswimming/coverage.php?c=153&id=7410

You can see us standing in line in the "Autographs" video.

Garrett Weber-Gale

2008-01-13T00:38:00.000-06:00

Swimmer boys
Oh, swimmer boys
How lovely are your . . . . branches.

And trunks.

And your everything else.

Our friend V invited Bugaboo to an SMU swim meet Friday night, as she is a swimmer. She had an AWESOME time that night with V and her 15 year old niece. She got home late and then had to get up on Saturday morning to go to her own swim meet. (She did very well by the way).

Fast forward to Saturday night to Part Deux of the SMU Classic and I get roped into going too, as does PootiePie. (Ha! "Roped." Twist my arm to go see 20-something swimmer boys do their thing.) Oh, my.

The Texas All Stars (some of them Olympians, no less) were there along with several universities. Billy Sweeney from Arizona State is an excellent diver and incredible to watch. He was my favorite as far as COLLEGE BOYS go. As far as All Stars go, I'd take any of them, but David Cromwell, Brendan Hansen and Garrett Weber -Gale hold a special place in my cold, cold H - E - A -R - T.

David is a very nice guy and is great to watch. He's someone you'd like to know better.

Brendan just because. He's very popular and has a website (http://www.brendanhansenonline.com/) and he was the cutest kid ever. In the autograph line I told him I saw his website and he asked if I liked those pictures from when he was little. I said they were adorable. He said, "What happened, huh?" Um. Nothing.

Garrett Weber - Gale because is from Wisconsin. Fox Point to be exact. The announcer asked for Packers fans to stand up and yell, which I did, obnoxiously so. I was even sitting in the front row wearing my Favre jersey. But he was on the OTHER side of the pool throwing out t-shirts. Boo.

Later, we noticed him putting on his Favre jersey before walking down to our end of the pool to start the last relay. Earlier another guy totally dissed me when he walked by so when I saw Weber-Gale coming our way I said I was going to body slam him if I had to.

I didn't have to.

Turns out he had noticed MY jersey (I found that out later) and when he walked by all I had to do was stand up. When the relay was over, he walked by again and asked if I wanted his swim cap. Uh, YEAH! And none of the kids are allowed to TOUCH it!! :)

We got all the Texas All-Stars autographs after the meet. I had all of them sign the heat sheet, but I had Garrett sign his cap. He talked about the game, which was incredible and said he didn't even want to go to the meet because he wanted to watch the game. They all told me he MADE everyone watch it with him on a teeny tiny TV. I'm glad he decided to go to the meet though. He made my night!

Aren't those pictures funny? I look like he's grabbing my butt or something. Ha! He might have strained a muscle if he tried to get some of that enormity. That wouldn't have been good for the team.

Snickety - isms

2008-01-11T13:28:00.001-06:00

SSB was looking for the tape and couldn’t find it anywhere. He asked the kids if they had it. Taz said, “No, I don’t.” PootiePie said, “No, I don’t.” Snickety said, “I do!” This surprised SSB. He turned around and said, “YOU have the tape?”

With a confused look on his face, Snickety said, “Where?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When he was 5 Snickety one day pointed out to me a seam in the crown moldings and said it was broken. I looked up and just said, “Yeah it is.” Then teasingly I asked him, “Did you break it?”

Again with the confused look he said, “Break what?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Snick is one of the piggiest of our kids. He has not once put anything away on his own. Ever. Once, also when he was 5, his big rug with roads printed on it for toy cars to drive on was in the middle of the kitchen floor. I asked him why it was there. He said he didn’t know. I asked him who put it there. He said, “I don’t know, but I hope it wasn’t me.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everyday for about a month when he was 5 and occasionally since then, Snickety would give me a random piece of good news. “Good news, Mom! I’m not going to pick my nose anymore.”

“Good news, Mom! I’m not going to leave my shoes on the floor ever again.”

“Mom! I got some good news for ya. I’m not going to run amuck ever again in my whole life.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Recently SSB took Snickety to 7-11 and Snickety held the door open for him. SSB said, “Thanks, Snickety!”

With a smile on his face, Snickety said, “Girls first.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everyone went over to Grandma and Grandpa’s new house for dinner one night. I had given the kids instructions in the car about their behavior. “Don’t just sit and watch TV. Be polite! Talk to Grandma and Grandpa!” They all agreed.

About halfway through the evening I heard SSB tell Snickety to stop picking his nose. What? I thought he was joking. No way had Snickety been lying on their new couch picking his nose! I looked at SSB and said, “Really?” and he nodded. I still couldn’t believe it.

A few minutes later when there were less people in the room I went over to Snickety and whispered, “Did you really picked your nose?” Yes. Ugh!!

“Really? You had your finger IN your nose?” Yes.

I said, “Do you really think Grandma and Grandpa want boogers on their new couch?”

Snickety said, “Well I wiped it on my pants like I usually do.”

That set me off. I went into Crazy Mom mode scolding him in a fast and furious whisper. “Like I usually do!! As if!" I told SSB what Snick said and he just laughed. Grr!

Later he went over to Snickety and asked him if he can call him Booger Pants now. With a slight pout on his face and a sigh of resignation Snickety replied, “I don’t see any reason why not.”

Juice Box Hero

2008-01-10T13:11:00.001-06:00

Xbox has been the bane of my life. The kids cry about it, fight about it, are addicted to it and get their brains sucked out by it. They get up on weekends and start playing and don't eat breakfast or brush their teeth or get dressed or anything. It overtakes them. I hate Xbox and was glad when ours broke.

Alas they got a 360 for Christmas from Grandma and Grandpa. Great for them, not so great for me. I decided to not be Grinchy though and just go with it. I even bought a few games. They loved playing Guitar Hero at other people's houses so we got Rock Band.

Oh, Rock Band. The boon of my existence.

The first couple days after Christmas I didn't play. I don't do Xbox. I have tried several games, sucked at them and didn't have any fun. SSB came downstairs a couple times and said they needed me to sing up there because the kids didn't have a singer. No, thank you.

But then the kids went to Oklahoma and left us to our own devices. SSB, Dupree and I stayed up every single night and played Rock Band. We couldn't get enough. I was hooked. I RAWKED and was loving it. We had our own band and our own characters and it was FUN! So fun. Thank you, Microsoft.

Since the kids came home we haven't played much, but we did for a while last night. Snickety was on guitar, PootiePie played drums and I sang. Beeman likes to sing too, but he can't read much so I sit next to him and when he knows part of a song he'll grab the mic from me and belt it out. He's GOOD! He hits the right notes and gets an "Awesome" rating most of the time. He likes Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" and he likes Foreigner. Their song came up and even though I'm not great at it, we did it anyway. I didn't know Beeman even knew that one. I was surprised. I don't have the heart to tell him it's "JUKE Box Hero" though not "Juice Box Hero."

I wonder what he thinks that song is about. A much-anticipated Capri Sun delivery man? A chugging contest through a teeny tiny straw? He's so cute. I'm sure he's never even heard of a juke box. Ipod, yes. Zune, of course. But not a juke box.

First Let Me Just Say This...

2008-01-10T13:00:00.000-06:00

I've dragged my heels with the whole blogging, My Space, Facebook thing because I don't think people are really all that interested in other people. That stuff is usually just for your own benefit. Like the emails that have the 20 questions that the person who sent it to you answered then you erase their answers, put in your own and send it to everyone you know. No one really cares what your answers are, but you liked answering them and THINKING someone wanted to know your favorite drink and season who you are most inspired by.
I may occasionally blog something that someone finds interesting but mostly I am doing it for me. Its something to do, something to write, somewhere to keep things about my day and my Stars. Sometimes it might be cute and Grandma will like reading it. Most of the time it will probably be boring to anyone but me. So there you have it. My mission statement.

Center of the Universe

Brats 'N Brötchen

Black Foskew

Yippee-Ki-Yay, Teetertotter!

Olé!

City in the Clouds

Convenience

Must Be Something In The Water

I Walk These Streets Alone

A Roll in the Hay

Don't Play with Fire....

Asleep at the Wheel

I'm Hissterical

Certain Restrictions May Apply

Flipper

Gimme A Break, Gimme A Break

Monk It

With Apologies to Joan Jett (and her fans)

Homemade Love

Gotta Say

Ugly Toe Does Cayman

Babies!!!

Pink Baby 2.0

Bunny Breath and a Cookie

Honor

Shedding A Shivery Tear

Shoemaker's Elves

Pride

Hippy Chick *Updated*

Dinner and a Movie

Sucks To Be Just Another Cog in the Wheel

Bikini Kill

Crying Buckets

Good News and Bad

4 For 40

If This is 40 . . .

More from the mind of Snick

Working Out Was Never So Easy

August Crush

Follow the Yellow Drip Road

Elton John is a Prophet

Green Bay, My Patootie

Boy, That Was Some Good Peein'

This Ain't A Scene, It's My Pretend Birthday

Keep On A-Rockin' Me Baby

It's Finger-Lookin' Good!

RAK Hijack

I Look and I Sound Like the Letter $$$$$$$$$$

In a Wad

Guinea Puppy

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny

Mama Mia Let Me Go

Scabba Dabba Doo

Sprechen Sie DOH!

A Little Bit Drrty

FD 2006

Right-Handed Destruction

Bandicoot

One Delta Ten Tango

Once Bitten Twice Shy, Babe

Nothing Compares to A Quiet Evening Alone

Like Icky Sticky Sands Through the Hourglass

Duped!

A Man of Action

All Thumbs

Does a Bear Poop in the Woods?

Not Enough Hands to Scratch It All

Goodbye Brett Favre

Nocturnalness

An Idea Man

Its A Grey Matter

Happy VD

Sofine

Local Celebrity

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

Doryboo Grumpy Gils

I Do NOT Heart American Idol

Grumblings

Packers stuff

Bunny Bed

Hippy Chick Updated