Thursday, August 28, 2008

August Crush


August is always a yucky month for me and this year is even worse than usual. If biorhythms tracked monthly ups and downs and not daily ones, I'd try to blame it on that. As it is, I don't have an explanation. I just go with it.

I will try to get out of my funk as quickly as possible and get back to blogging, but until then try some of these blogs if you haven't already:
Queen B
Dooce
Jen On The Edge
Notes from the Trenches
Bee's Musings

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Follow the Yellow Drip Road

On Wednesday Snickety and BeeMan's room was a disaster so I sent them in there to clean it. However, as soon as I turned my back they both slipped into their bathroom. Together. Kids together in the bathroom with the door closed is never a good thing. When my sister and I went into the bathroom together we were either eating spoonfuls of Country Time lemonade powder or doing experiments that included piling baby powder and Old Spice aftershave onto a Kleenex.

I didn't actually notice them until BeeMan came out. And being naturally suspicious, I opened the door and caught an eyeful of Snick sittin' on the pot. Nice. I closed the
door most of the way so I could talk to them both and asked what they were doing in there. Beeman said they both had to go to the bathroom really bad RIGHT THEN. I pointed out that they can't go pee at the same time anyway (which they COULD but I wasn't going to say that, lest it become it pastime) so why didn't Snick clean the bedroom while BeeMan was going to the bathroom and then BeeMan clean while Snick was going? He shined me on and just said "Oh yeah. We could have."

I kind of thought there was more to the story but I have to pick my battles so I just
went downstairs. A few minutes later I heard SSB say, "OK, but I still have to tell Mommy you lied to her" and he came downstairs quietly chuckling and told me I had been duped. I said, "By whom? The little freckled-faced one?" Yes.

Apparently as soon as I left BeeMan opened the bathroom door and said, "Whew! That was a close one!" Not gifted in the area of sneakiness, he said this within earshot of SSB who was obviously sitting in the next room and thus began the interrogation. Knowing they were busted, they folded like a cheap card table and made the job very easy. They spilled their guts about how they had been peeing into empty pop bottles and keeping them hidden in their closet. Why? Because they wanted to see how yellow the toilet would get w
hen they finally dumped it. OK. Time for good cop/bad cop and I am always Bad Cop. ALWAYS. I went upstairs and made a dramatic entrance into their room where they were busy as beavers cleaning up.

"I'm mad!" I announced. "Do you know why?"

"Because we peed in bottles" BeeMan whimpered.

"No. Because you lied about it. You guys can pee into your HANDS for all I care but you can NOT lie. And Snick, even though you didn't say a word, it was still lying on
your part."

"OK."

"So. Do you guys want a spanking or do you want to do an extra chore?"

"Extra chore" they said in unison.

"OK" I said as I left. "And if you want it to be yellow, just take a vitamin in the morning."

Tee hee.

So now they have started over to get it yellower. Here it is hidden in the sleeping bag in their closet. Ew.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Elton John is a Prophet


Yes, that's a NY jersey not a Green Bay one. And all morning I can't get the song "Benny and the Jets" out of my head. You know, Benny as in "Benedict Arnold" the traitor. I don't think this whole thing is his fault entirely or think that he's a total traitor but I feel like it a little bit. When he found out the Packers (stupid Ted Thompson) didn't want him back he could have just dropped it and stayed retired. That's the way it would have happened if the CoftheU were really in charge. Then he could have gone out in style like he did in March and kept it that way instead of all this mess.

And to all you Packers fans who have booed Aaron Rodgers, SHAME ON YOU! You are giving us a bad name and tarnishing OUR reputation. Rodgers has kept his dignity throughout this whole thing and not said one bad word against anyone. He has shown a lot of class which is more than anyone can say for you boo-ers. You can love Brett and be on his side and NOT against Rodgers. This has never been and Aaron -vs- Brett thing and you should be ashamed of yourselves. Especially the little 6-year-old boy AND his parents from this article.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Green Bay, My Patootie

Two things are on my mind today.

The first one is the whole Packers -vs- Brett Favre fiasco. I hate thinking about it and admitting to myself that it is even really happening. Ev
eryone is talking about it and they all have an opinion and it gets confusing when I try to wrap my head around it. But you know the saying, opinions are like @$$h0le$, everybody's got one.

And speaking of asses, I come to the second thing on
my mind. SSB's sister, brother-in-law and nephew are in town and we went to a water park yesterday. I almost stayed home and feigned cramps or diarrhea or dengue fever or whatever I might get away with because being a natural redhead (that has faded to blonde surely on its way to grey), the sun and I don't get along well. But mom-guilt got the better of me and I joined them. Turns out I should have lied and stayed home.

I took two trips down a water slide and am paying
dearly for it. When you first go down the chute of this particular thrill, you run over these white drains that look like the heating and air vents on the ceiling of most houses. Very ridgey. The first time I went down and felt the drains of death I thought, wow that hurt. So the second time I thought I'd stay propped up on the innertube a little more so my ass wasn't dragging. But as I looked down the seemingly straight-down slide I must have chicken out, puckered up and hunkered back down into it because my cheeks went rolling over them again, just like driving over the rumble strips on the side of the highway.

SSB thought it looked bad last night but today is even wor
se. Just like Favre's reputation I am battered and bruised and taking a beating. And with both of us, its getting uglier every day.

Words will not suffice so I am exposing myself to the whole bloggy world. Granted, there are worse pix on the web and I DO have undies on this one, but I am
forewarning you anyway. You may not want to scroll down if you are in the presence of small children or are at work or are, say, MY DAD. Or maybe you're just not in the mood to look at my almost 40 year old butt. And you if you should choose to continue, you COULD click on it to get a bigger, better idea, but probably you shouldn't.

Scroll on, brave soul. Scroll on.

















So there you have it. Lock, stock, and smoking barrel. I am taking my black azz and logging off. Good night.