Sprechen Sie DOH!

SSB left for a business trip to Germany on Sunday. It was kind of a last minute thing that he didn't find out about until Thursday.

He has the worst luck when he travels, but this trip takes the strudel.

I thought it was bad enough that he had to leave on Father's Day but apparently the powers that be disagreed. That was NOT enough.

As everyone was boarding the flight out of DFW, the guy in front of him was strapping in a car seat for his kid and found a big, long screwdriver down in the plane seat. Even though the captain said they knew one had been unaccounted for earlier, everyone had to be evacuated while they searched the plane for more in case it was a stashed terrorist weapon. I think if there were any terrorists they'd probably just stick their contraband screwdrivers back in their pockets then bring them back on board again. But maybe terrorists are dumb like that and would just leave them to be found. I don't know.

So his flight was late getting to London but he still made his connection on time. Or would have if it had not been canceled due to the fact that George Bush was finishing his European trip and Air Force One was at Heathrow. Apparently when Air Force One is there they restrict the number of other flights in and out and SSB's flight to Munich was one that got deep sixed. Why doesn't Air Force One use a military airfield? Do our commercial airports restrict the number of flights when a foreign head of state is over here? More things I don't know.

All of the other flights to Munich ran that day but not SSB's and they couldn't get him on the next one. Or the next one. But he did get on the last one. Six hours later than he should have been. This got him in to Munich after 11 p.m. their time on Monday night. As he got off the plane and walked through the airport he heard his name being called overhead. He went to where they paged him to and was told they lost his bags. Not just all of his clothes, his great big equipment case that he had to bring there which held his REASON to be there in the first place. Plus it had his phone charger and laptop power supply cords in it. He carried on THREE laptops but couldn't fit all the accessories into the bag. Don't ask me why he needed three laptops or what the equipment was that was in the case or even what his job is. These are still more things I don't know.

He filled out the paperwork for his bags then headed to the car rental booth because Munich isn't even where he was going. He had to drive an hour south to a little town close to the Austrian border. This story wouldn't be complete though if the obvious hadn't happened. They gave away his car because he wasn't there when he said he'd be and they, of course, had no more so he went from place to place until he found one. Finally.

I think I should point out that it was about 1 a.m. Tuesday by this time and he had been up since about 9 a.m. SUNDAY morning. Granted, he lost 7 hours flying over the ocean, but that is still 33 hours without sleep. Oh, wait. He did sleep an hour on the plane. My bad. I don't think anyone should drive a vehicle when they've been up for 33 hours. ESPECIALLY ON THE AUTOBAHN. I was a nervous wreck sitting here thinking about him out there. While he was still flying, I sent him a text that maybe he should just stay at a hotel near the airport for the night and drive the next morning. And I checked the train schedules but the last one left at 11 and there wasn't another until 4 the next morning. I never got to argue my point with him though because I didn't get to talk to him until he was already on the road. Driving. On the autobahn. On no sleep. Talking on the phone.

To his credit he didn't call me, I called him and he just answered. I called because I didn't know the extent of his woes yet and had figured out that he should already be in Garmisch long ago. When he answered I said, "Yay! You're not dead!" He said he almost was though. Huh? SSB has many wonderful qualities and talents, but his sense of direction is not one of them. I used to think he was just kidding or faking it for some reason, but no. He is just really, really bad at going the right way. It could cost us the Amazing Race if we ever get on it. He lived in Tulsa for 20 years and still went the wrong way to places he had been to dozens of times (if not more). Anyway. He was on the autobahn and then thought he was going the wrong way so he turned around. Then he thought, no he HAD been going the right way and was now going the wrong way. He stopped and asked someone and got on the autobahn going the wrong direction. Not the wrong direction like north instead of south. Against the flow of traffic wrong direction. Think "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" at 120 miles an hour in the middle of the night. Oh, and there are no streetlights on the autobahn even in town. I don't know why.

Is anyone tired of this story yet? If you are, go on to the next blog cuz there's more.

While on the phone with him I was trying to figure out where he was on Google maps because he still wasn't sure he was going the right direction. There are lots of signs and he said you'd think it would be helpful, but there were too many to read and cars were going too fast and there were no lights. So I was trying to find out where he was on my map when he suddenly yells a bad word and throws the phone down. I'm panicked but don't hear any sounds of squealing tires or crashing metal, just a lot of bumps and thuds. After what seemed like an eternity he picked the phone back up. The exit for the road he had to take had suddenly come upon him on the right and he was way over in the left lane. He changed lanes and pulled over to the right, after the exit, then just went over the curb to go back.

He finally got to Garmisch at about 3 a.m. The place he is at is a "U.S. Department of Defense-owned luxury hotel in the Bavarian Alps." This means it is like a military base in that it has a guarded gate. And he was not on The List to get in. And he had to be up in 4 hours for the first meeting. So he opted to sleep in his car. But in an unexpected stroke of luck, the guard made another call and got him in. He said SSB still wasn't on the list but That Guy signed for him. SSB didn't know who That Guy was but didn't care at that point. He got a room and intended to get 4 hours of sweet, sweet slumber but as it turns out his car would have been the better choice. A previous occupant had been sucking on the cancer sticks triggering an asthma attack in my poor, weary traveler and his inhaler was lost somewhere between London and Munich. He gave up trying to sleep at about 5:30.

Things did get better the next day. He got his bags and some sleep and it is very, very pretty there. And clean. But he kinda hates it cuz it makes him want to quit everything and just live there in a picture perfect world and he can't. Yet.